Date With Destiny I
by Angry Warrior
Summary: This was written before Endgame in about season 5, this is my idea of how the series may have ended. It's JC and it was published by Unicorn Press. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny I

1. Destiny Revealed

Captain's Log: Stardate 57257.1. It has been six years, three days since we've been in the Delta Quadrant. We have tried a slipstream flight before to no avail, but both B'Elanna and Seven's resourcefulness never ceases to amaze me. The Transwarp coil we acquired from the Borg lasted twenty thousand light years before we fell out of the conduit. It brought us a good fifteen years closer to home. B'Elanna has been working on this with Seven in private, and to everyone's surprise has managed - with extra material, spare parts you name it - to create a new type of drive. I commend them both and after so long, we're finally going home. The crew will finally get the recognition they deserve and let's just hope that the Alpha Quadrant we left behind, is still there to greet us and offer us a home once again.

Kathryn Janeway exited her ready room. They had tried and failed with this type of technology before, and this time, they had tested it down to the nanosecond. Down to the smallest components. It would work, they would get home, and the thought was almost overwhelming.

"Status?"

Harry Kim looked up from his console. He could see the twinkle in the Captain's eyes. The happiness and wonderment was there, but he also saw tiny glimpses of fear. Maybe it wasn't fear; maybe apprehension was a better word. Anyway, whatever it was, it would soon be eased, and they would be home. The only thing left to ask was: Is the Alpha Quadrant home anymore? "The new Transwarp technology is online. It is working at peak efficiency; the deflector has been boosted 54 to allow for the integration of the technologies. According to the calculations Seven and I performed the amalgamation of the Transwarp technology with the technology we've collected from the dismantled Quantum Slipstream Drive should improve efficiency and speed by about 18 Captain."

A smile graced Janeway's porcelain features. They were going home. After all this time, they were going home. "Alright Harry. We've done this before and we can do it again." She looked around, she was missing her Commander. "Commander Chakotay to the bridge."

Commander Chakotay… now there was a topic she could really get into. For six years the both of them had been holding their feelings at bay. They had discussed this only last night, the possibility of finally getting it together. Of timing and life decisions and everything finally being right… and it was. Now was the time, and she wasn't going to give up her last chance at happiness.

She watched as Chakotay took his seat to her left. She felt safe now, she felt ready… this is why it hasn't worked last time they had tried a slipstream flight… he has been missing from the flight and from her life, and now he wasn't.

"Commander Tuvok, is everything ready?"

"Yes Captain."

"Harry how's the deflector look?"

"Just fine ma'am." She couldn't help the grin spreading across her face.

"Janeway to engineering. B'Elanna how's the drive looking?"

"We're ready to go down her Captain." She sat down in her chair trying to look calm and collected. The Captain's mask went up, but her senior staff knew she was struggling with nervousness and with anxiety. Chakotay let out a small laugh. Janeway spun around and turned a steely gaze in his direction, but her eyes were laughing along with him.

"Mr. Paris. Engage."

Paris' hands flew across the consoles with precision she had come to expect from him. Sometimes she took him and most of the crew for granted. She heard him saying the words, the last words spoken in the Delta Quadrant.

Paris tapped the panel a few more times and Janeway felt the ship lurch, the subtle movements of her ship the movements she would know anywhere and any time. Paris piped up. "Transwarp in ten, nine, eight…"

She heard him utter the words which ended their quest for a way home, and which made everything she had every hoped for a reality. "…one. Transwarp speed now."

Kathryn felt nervous…the last time they had done this they had died, and they hasn't…time paradox. She couldn't think about this now…she had to concentrate on the mission at hand. "How's the deflector geometry Harry?" He made a few calculations and looked up to the Captain. "Everything looks okay Captain."

She grined from ear to ear. Life would be okay…she would live to see the Alpha Quadrant. She would life to love someone like she never done before. She was going to finally live…she had already given herself completely to this man, without ever having shared the physical. They had gone beyond that, they had shared a heart and a soul, and most importantly they had shared a life together. In one way or another they had always had always would…no matter when, no matter how, fate was on their side.


	2. Chapter 2

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny I

2. The Next Chapter

Kathryn sat and watched the display in front of her. The stars going past far faster than anything she had ever thought possible. She was wound tighter than a violin string, lost in thought. Thoughts of her life back home. Thoughts of how they would react to Kathryn Janeway back in their lives…and most of all thoughts of Chakotay. She hardly heard when Tom opened his mouth to announce their arrival on the edge of earth. Spatial Grid 001…

"…exit the conduit in four…three…two…one." Kathryn looked at the chronometer: She had been sitting that way statue still for over four hours, but here she was…home. She had accomplished her self-proclaimed mission; she had gotten her crew home. She looked up to the view screen and saw the blue sphere that was her birthplace, and her home. She realized Harry was talking to her. She stood up and turned around to face him.

"We're being hailed Captain. It's from Starfleet Command." She could hear the barely contained excitement in his voice…yes they were home. "On screen ensign."

"This is Lieutenant Arnold missions officer in charge of Earth One. Stand down shields and weapons and prepare to be boarded."

She knew after this long, and after the disappointment with the destruction of the communications array that this was a reasonable course of action for Starfleet to take, especially if the stories of the Dominion she had read in her letter and the encoded message were true. "Harry, stand down weapons and take the shields off line. Open a channel."

Harry complied as he always did. She was so thankful that she had been caught with the good crew she had. She relied on them sometimes to the point of dependence, and she didn't regret it, but she hoped her next crew would be as good as this one, though she doubted that was possible. To be blessed once was one thing; to be lucky enough to experience it twice was an anomaly that would not likely happen. She steadied herself to respond to the Starfleet hail.

"This is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Starship Voyager. We're home." She heard the hesitation over the comm signal.

"Welcome home Captain, but with the threat of the dominion, we must board your ship and make sure that you are who you say you are. You understand don't you? Dock at docking port four immediately. Your crew will be screened and transported to headquarters. You Captain are to meet with Admiral Paris upon your arrival. Arnold out."

Kathryn broke into a grin. Soon enough they would be home rejoicing with their families. She would be back on a normal mission. She would no longer have the weight of the world on her shoulders alone.

"Alright people you heard the man. Commence docking sequence. Open a ship wide channel." She got ready to make the announcement she had been waiting over six years to make. "This is the captain speaking. We've arrived at earth. I want all crewmembers to report to their quarters and await further instructions. And in case I don't get a chance to say this again with all  
of you listening, I want you to know that working with you has been the finest experience I have ever had. You have performed exemplary, and I hope to have the chance to do it again. Welcome home." She closed the comm line. "Senior staff meeting in ten minutes…don't be late."

She looked toward Chakotay. There was no mistaking the twinkle in her eyes. "Would you meet me in my ready room Commander?" He grinned showing his dimples. "Aye Captain." Voyager's two most senior officers made their way to her ready room. Paris watched them retreat and gave a low whistle. He sent a message to Harry via the inter-ship communications. Two guesses as to what they're doing in there.

Harry received a message and saw it was from Tom. He could guess what this one said. He read it and responded promptly. Whatever it is…it's none of our business. Paris let out a cackle and heard the reprimanding tone of Tuvok behind him. "Something funny ensign?" Tom just rolled his eyes. "No sir."

In the ready room Chakotay watched Kathryn. She had yet to turn around. She had yet to face him since their entrance into her closed off safe haven. She was close enough to touch and he could feel the tension in the air, but he dared not touch her. Then he had something unexpected happen. Kathryn spun around with a feral look in her eyes and slammed him into the wall. Then she kissed him so hard it almost hurt as the sexual tension of the past six years was finally released. At first he was surprised, then after he got over the initial shock, responded with a passion he didn't think he possessed. After what felt like an eternity she broke it off. They were both breathing hard.

Chakotay came to his sense first. "Is this what I have to look forward to?" She blushed as she realized what she had just done. This was not what she had intended on doing upon their entrance, but it had felt so right.

She gave him an enigmatic smile. "Staff meeting in five minutes. Then we have to meet the admiral in transporter room one. I want you, myself and the entire senior staff to beam down to Earth at the same time. A show of solidarity can't hurt."

"Aye Captain." He knew there would be time to discuss this later, and now was not the time. He had just had the preclude and was waiting for the allegro, and looking forward to it.

They headed out of the ready room and to the conference room. They entered the room and realized that half the senior staff was already there. They must be really excited, and why shouldn't they be? Six years and finally, we're home. She smiled at the staff and noticed that at this point there were only two members missing. She could just guess what they were doing. Well, they had three minutes to get here. And so she waited.

Ten minutes later Tom and B'Elanna were still missing. "Janeway to Lieutenant Torres." There was a pause and then reply. "Torres here Captain." She sounded out of breath, she also heard whispering in the background.

"Lieutenant, there will be time for that later…would you please report to the staff meeting and bring Ensign Paris with you." She heard some mumbling then some fiddling around and realized he was looking at the chronometer.

"Oh shit…" She heard B'Elanna again, muffled. Her hand must be covering her combadge. "We're late for the meeting Tom."

Then she heard Tom, denying a usual…the whole senior staff was listening with smirks on their faces. "It wasn't my fault B'Elanna, I got…caught up in what we were doing…" Then she heard a moan escape B'Elanna. Time to stop this, as amusing as it was, they had a limited amount of time on their hands.

Then B'Elanna came back. "Stop it Tom, we don't have time for this." Then she addressed Janeway again. "We'll be there shortly, Torres out."

As soon as the comm line was closed, the whole of the senior staff erupted into laughter. Janeway tried to stare them down. "Alright people, enough is enough, we all know what was going on, let's get past it." Janeway sat down with a sigh; life would finally be complete, home sweet home.

Exactly eight minutes later Tom and B'Elanna entered the conference room looking a little flustered. A grin was plastered on the pilot's face and she noticed he was walking with a slight limp. B'Elanna had a smug look on her face and all present knew what had gone on. "I apologize Captain, we were…detained."

The Captain looked B'Elanna in the eyes. "I can see the lieutenant." Torres eyes opened wide with shock, and from her vantage point, Kathryn saw Chakotay suppressing a chuckle; unfortunately his dimples gave him away. "Something funny Commander?"

He smiled at her. "No ma'am." She just let it all go; it had been too long since she had seen such happiness in her crew.

"Alright let's get started." She sat herself down at the head of the table. "We have to report to transporter room one in fifteen minutes…I suggest everyone avoid being late." She glared at Tom and B'Elanna. "We are going to be screened at which point the senior staff, mainly you, will beam down to  
Starfleet headquarters with me. We are to explain the modifications etc., which were made during our stay in the Delta Quadrant. I want each of you to report to your departments and assure everyone that Hell will freeze over before I let any of them get arrested. I need you to alleviate their fears. Now, you have thirteen minutes to get that done. Dismissed."

Everyone exited the conference room except Chakotay. She looked at Chakotay with a look that spoke volumes. It said: 'I'll always be there'. It said: 'I love you, and it said there'll be time for this later'. She exited the conference room, and proceeded to the transporter room, waiting for her staff, her fiends and her family to arrive and for a new chapter of the book that was her life to begin.


	3. Chapter 3

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny I

3. Destiny Dismantled I

Kathryn was standing by the transporter pad waiting for the Admiral. Waiting for the man who would test them and who would finally release them to the world, the world they had once known intimately and would know again. She had confined everyone else to their quarters, so she had Harry stand by at the transporter controls. "Well everyone, this is it. Harry energize."

She watched as the Admiral materialized on the transporter pad. An Admiral. Someone higher in rank than her. It felt good to give herself up to someone else's authority for a little while. "Admiral Paris…it's been a while."

The Admiral looked at the woman before him. She had been his protégée, she had guts and gusto, and honestly he was glad to see her. "Yes it has Captain; too long I'm afraid."

Kathryn looked up and saw that Lieutenant Arnold was with him. He had a blood tester. The lieutenant spoke up. "Ma'am. Could I take a sample please? I need to run the test." Kathryn walked up to him and watched as a sample of blood was extracted from her arm. She watched as he looked at it for a good thirty seconds and nothing happened. Then he placed and agent in the blood and waited another thirty seconds. Nothing. "She checks out, Sir."

The Admiral broke into a smile. "Well, one down 140 to go. Lieutenant, please check her senior staff and then get a start on the rest of the crew. Could we please have an updated crew manifest? I know there have been some changes since you left." Janeway handed him a padd with the crew manifest on it. "Always ready, Captain I should have expected nothing less."

She just sat back and watched as the lieutenant tested the rest of her senior staff. It took twenty minutes, but eventually he gave a nod at the admiral. "Well Kathryn, looks like you all check out. Ready to go home?" Kathryn grinned and stepped onto the transporter pad. "Ensign entergize."

She felt the familiar tingle she associated with the transporter beam, and closed her eyes and gave herself to the familiar feeling. When she opened her eyes, she was on Earth. She was back where she belonged, or at least where she thought she belonged. She was happy to be home.

Tom had beamed down with the Captain and with his father. His father had yet to spare him a glance. Tom wondered if the Admiral even remembered that Tom was his son. He supposed some day; maybe he would get the chance to make amends, to prove that he had done something productive on Voyager. And one day, years from now…Admiral Paris would receive his letter from the Delta Quadrant, and maybe once believe that his son had done something right with his life.

He felt a hand touch his arm. He turned around and saw B'Elanna sitting there. "B'Elanna."

"Was that your father Tom?" Tom all of a sudden bowed his head in a shameful gesture and looked like a little kid who had stolen a candy bar. "Yeah that was him B'Elanna, one of the great men of our time." She heard the bitter note in his voice. He was hurting. He deserved at least an explanation for the letter.

"Tom, we need to talk."

He spun around and looked at her: eyes blazing. "No we don't B'Elanna. It's over. I let him down; he hates me. And why wouldn't he? I messed up, and besides he had protégés like the great Kathryn Janeway to fill the void I left. So let's just get over it, and get on with our lives. As far as I'm concerned I don't have a father."

B'Elanna knew he would be mad at her for concealing this. For holding things back from him, for lying to him. All she could do was hope he would get over it, and soon, because she had something important she needed to tell him. Something she couldn't really deal with on her own. Oh Tom, please forgive me.

The Captain was following Admiral Paris through the courtyards of Starfleet Command. This was something she'd been dreaming of for years now, back to the starting point. She had accomplished her mission, but the problem was somewhere along the way, the Maquis traitors had become family. They had become fine officers and to some lovers, marriage partners, soul mates. She only hoped that the beaurocrats in Starfleet could see the reasoning and the goodness and would give these good people a chance, for everyone's sake. After six years of working to meld the crews, of working to get them home…she wasn't ready to give up without a fight, and she suspected neither were they.

"So Captain. Am I understanding you correctly when I hear that you integrated the Maquis prisoners into your crew?"

Okay so we're getting right down to business. She recalled for some reason at that point New Earth and her Angry Warrior's speech. The woman's war party was too weak to defend itself from all its enemies. So he joined her and from that point on her needs would come first. For some reason it was oddly appropriate. "Admiral. We were stuck seventy thousand light years from the Alpha Quadrant. Half my crew was killed in the initial journey. The way I saw it, I didn't have enough people left at this point to run my ship. Many of the crew had Starfleet training. For instance, Commander Chakotay was a Starfleet Commander when he resigned from Starfleet for his own reasons."

"Captain. That does not chance the fact that these are traitors to the federation, and you've picked a bad moment to return with a shipload full of Maquis. The war with the Dominion is at full force and most of the Maquis are being detained, that is all the ones who weren't murdered in the initial attacks."

"I'm aware of that Admiral, but…"

"Look Captain, I think we should wait until we get to headquarters to discuss this. I see many of your senior staff are in fact Maquis."

"Were Admiral. They were Maquis. As far as I'm concerned, they're as Starfleet as anyone."

Admiral Paris looked into her steely gray eyes. It had been over fifteen years since he had been her teacher, but she had and would always have that determination. He had known and worked with her father it was a Janeway trait. Strong, admirable and headed for success. Unfortunately along with that came the stubbornness and pigheadedness…he was afraid that in this battle they would lose a fine Captain, and he also realized that she was set up for a fight. They would crucify her. He already knew that she was going to be the sacrificial lamb. They needed to blame someone and it was going to be her. He could not protect her this time. When he looked at the situation, he supposed he would have made the same decision in her shoes…done anything he could to get his crew home. At the same time she had broken, or had let them break more rules and protocols than was acceptable, and she would be punished for that. Problem was, with a woman like Kathryn Janeway he was afraid it would be the death of her, it would be her destruction, and there was not a thing he could do about it.


	4. Chapter 4

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny I

4. Destiny Dismantled II

Kathryn followed the Admiral into his office. All of a sudden she felt oddly alone and like a stranger in her own home. It has been too long Kathryn. She was led into the office by Admiral Paris and offered a seat.

"Captain... Kathryn, I'll get straight to the point."

She had a bad feeling about this, and all of a sudden realization dawned on her. This is the end Kathryn. This is the end of your career, this is the end of your quest. This is the end of everything you've worked your whole life for. She resisted the urge to cry out at the injustice of it all, but it was true. She was the Captain, and she was ultimately responsible for everything that happened on her ship. Never had the saying 'the Captain goes down with the ship' been more appropriate. She hardly heard the admiral as he droned on about her disobedience of rules and regulations. About Starfleet command and how, had she been in the Alpha Quadrant under Starfleet jurisdiction this never would have happened. Finally how these actions were unbecoming of a Starfleet officer, especially one in her position. She saw the wall crumbling; she saw her carefully constructed future being dismantled. She felt her heart break, and she knew that she would never be the same again.

Admiral Paris had been given this assignment to make it easier on her. He had known this woman since she was in diapers. She had grown up a Starfleet brat, much like his son, and now truth be known, their fates were very similar. Owen had known his mission before he had ever been told. He was to strip her rank, to tear a strip off of her because someone had to pay. Starfleet needed a scapegoat, and it was Kathryn Janeway. In this time when they needed all the officers they could get, they had to take all personnel possible, even if they were former Maquis. But someone had to pay. They had to make an example out of someone, and that someone was her.

Normally they would have had weeks of deliberation. Months of defenses and a court-martial hearing before the end, but with the on-going war against the Dominion, they didn't have a choice. Things had to be dealt with in an expedient manner, and so she would suffer for it. He broke away from these thoughts; he had to get to the business at hand.

Owen looked her in the eyes; he saw her heart break. He knew she was made of steel and would not show her emotions, but he watched everything drain out of her, and she was now but a shell fo the woman she had been. He saw the realization, and he had yet to even make the formal announcement to her. "Kathryn, I was given this assignment to make it easier on you, and you know what I have to do. I'm sorry." He looked up at her, the apology in his eyes and he knew, that she knew that he was only doing his job, That this was not his decision and had it been, it would have turned out much differently.

She watched in slow motion as he reached up and ripped the pips off her tunic. "Captain Kathryn Janeway, you are charged with the complete disregard of Starfleet principles and regulations; of harboring felons aboard your ship without the intent of bringing them to justice, and behavior unbecoming a Starfleet Officer. You are hereby stripped of your rank of Captain and discharged under the rules and regulations of the United Federation of Planets." He watched her as she stood stoic. Solid. Ramrod straight in front of him. "You are dismissed."

Kathryn saw the man in front of her; she would not cry, she would not grieve. She just needed to know one thing. "Sir?"

"Yes."

"Will my crew be pardoned?"

Admiral Paris looked at her. No harm in telling her now, but at the same time he couldn't, he said one simple phrase which did not answer her question but it's meaning was not lost on her. "For one thing to live, another must die," and with that he left the room.

She walked outside and saw that all of her senior staff had left, including Chakotay. She stopped to watch a news broadcast. It was stating the fact that the crew of Voyager had performed admirably for the most part. That their Captain had been relieved after answering for any and all wrongful actions which had occurred during their time in the Delta Quadrant. They had even spoken to one unhappy former member of the Maquis who was quoted as saying that Kathryn Janeway was a self-righteous woman who had completely disobeyed Starfleet's objectives in stranding them in the Delta Quadrant. That, in destroying the array, she had disobeyed Starfleet's cardinal rule: The Prime Directive.

She felt another piece of her carefully constructed façade fall away. This would be her undoing and she didn't even have Chakotay. He had left, more than likely not wanting to be seen with her. She truly was alone, as she had been so many times while on Voyager, except this time there were no questions about it, and no first officer to tell her otherwise. The great Kathryn Janeway had fallen.

/\/\

B'Elanna stared at the doorway where Captain Janeway, all of their strengths and their idol over the past years, had entered. She then looked up as the lieutenant told them they could all go back to Voyager, that it would probably take a while to debrief Janeway.

Chakotay stepped in right away. "What if we want to wait to show our support for the Captain?" The lieutenant looked smugly at Commander Chakotay, "Then it will not be tolerated." Chakotay knew that at this point it was better to just let it go. He would talk to Kathryn later. He started, and they followed his lead. They made their way back to Voyager, their home for too long to forget it.

B'Elanna followed Chakotay; she saw Tom was trailing slightly behind her. "Tom we really need to talk. What would you say to my quarters, twenty minutes? There's no need to conserve replicator rations anymore." She paused, the hesitation showing how nervous she truly was with this request. "I was thinking, chicken dinner, mashed potatoes, nice bottle of wine…" She realized he wasn't listening to her. She tapped him on the shoulder. "Tom."

He awoke from his daze. "B'Elanna, I'm sorry. Yes?"

"Dinner, my quarters, fifteen minutes." He opened his mouth to protest but was stopped by the pleading look in her eyes. "Alright, I'll be there." He was vaguely aware of the fact that they made it to the transport site and Chakotay called for a transport back to Voyager. He heard the last words he would hear from either command team for a long time. "Energize."


	5. Chapter 5

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny I

5. Building Blocks

Tom made his way to B'Elanna's quarters. In all honesty he didn't really want to see her or anyone. After he had heard that his father had sent him a letter, he had held onto the belief that perhaps…just maybe he had forgiven his son. That maybe he had finally earned his respect in working for Captain Janeway, in becoming part of her senior staff. Now that he had met him again, six years later, he knew it wasn't true. He knew the man held no respect for him, and that as far as Admiral Owen Paris was concerned he no longer had a son. Tom regretted many things in his life, but the thing he regretted most was being a screw up. Sure, he put on a brave face, he made everyone think it didn't matter, but it did. This had been tearing him up since that day all those years ago when he had admitted his crime, when he had been discharged from Starfleet, when he had lost any shred of dignity and self-respect he had ever owned.

He headed towards B'Elanna's quarters: He didn't deserve her. She was so good to him, he would be nothing but a disgrace to her and her family and he wondered sometimes if he should just let her go. Just let her be free of his dishonor, and his mess-ups. Maybe he would tell her so tonight. After all, when you love someone you have to set them free. He felt tears stinging his eyes, and knew that this would hurt him more than she would ever know, but he also knew it was the right thing to do.

/\/\

Kathryn stayed in San Francisco for three hours. She walked among the flowers in the park; she had lunch under a shady tree. She had changed into civilian clothing so no one who didn't 'know her' would recognize who she was, 'the great Captain Janeway' and if then did realized her plight they didn't let her know it. She ate alone, and realized that all her dreams of a future, forever bonded with her soul mate, Chakotay, had been just that: dreams. Hopes and dreams never to be fulfilled. It was at that point that she stood up and made her way to the transporte site. She tapped the commands and transported to Indiana. Her mother deserved to know she was okay, it was the least she could do, and maybe there, in her home town someone would accept her. And maybe someone would then love her for who she was and not for what she'd done over the years.

/\/\

In her quarters, B'Elanna waited patiently for Tom. She had to tell him the news before she lost her nerve; before she left and would never see him again; before she lost her chance at happiness, for she needed him more than anything. Then her door chime rang, and all of a sudden she was frozen, she couldn't move. Somehow, she found her voice and managed to call the command to let him enter. This is it, now or never.

Tom entered and saw B'Elanna sitting in the corner of the room. It was dark, and he wondered why she sat with the shadows engulfing her. He called out to her, half expecting her to tell him to get out and never come back. "B'Elanna, we need to talk."

"Yes. Yes we do." She got up and approached him. Tom decided he was going to start. "B'Elanna, I think we should break it off. I think that you deserve more than this. You have always been so good to me, and you deserve more than a screw up who could never make the right decision. Who could never…"

"Stop it Tom. We've all made mistakes in our lives. God knows I've made more than my share of them. We can't let this go Tom…I love you too much. I…"

He cut her off. He didn't need to hear this. "B'Elanna, it would be for the best…" He stopped short. He saw the tears streaming down her face. He hadn't seen her this upset since she had gotten the letter telling her that her Maquis friends had been slaughtered. He slowly approached her and made a move to hug her, but she backed away. She looked frightened. "B'Elanna?"

She finally looked up at him, all the pain and anguish showing in her deep brown eyes. "Tom you can't leave me. I need you and so does your son…" She waited for a reaction. Finally the news sank in and she saw the play of emotions across his face.

"You're pregnant? I'm going to be a dad?"

She saw the pure joy on his face. "B'Elanna, do you realize you've just made me the happiest man in the world? I don't deserve you." He paused a defeated look entering his clear blue eyes.

B'Elanna drew in a deep, cleansing breath before continuing. "Yes, Tom. Yes you do. I screwed up too. I never told you that the letter from your father did come through. It was awful; some of the things he said about you, and to you, were horrible. I didn't want to see you hurt, so I deleted it. Then I lied to you; I told you the letter hadn't come through. I betrayed your trust and your faith in me."

For a fleeting moment he was angry with her. He wanted to strangle her, but he couldn't. "B'Elanna do you know how much pain the truth could have saved me in this case?" He saw her crushed look and realized she probably thought he was going to leave her. He looked her in the eyes, and let a simple phrase ring in her ears. "I forgive you, I guess we both have a few skeletons in our closets we would like to have disappear forever, huh?"

She gave a silent nod, and they sat down on the couch. They just sat, wrapped in each other's arms, content in the knowledge that everything would be okay, and that neither would ever be alone again.

/\/\

Kathryn arrived at her home. She had walked nearly an hour from the transport site to her home. She had needed the time alone to think, to mull over the ideas in her head. What now? She had lost her career in Starfleet, her life's work. She had left San Francisco and all the people she had grown to love over the past years. Was Earth home anymore? She walked through the door to her mother's house unannounced. She saw her mother, Phoebe and a man sitting at the table talking and eating. Well what do you expect Kathryn? You weren't supposed to be home, you didn't announce your entrance. She turned to leave, but decided she had done enough running. It was time to face the music. She approached the table where the only family she had left, sat and ate amicably. She felt like an outsider intruding on a private moment. She touched her mom's shoulder and her mom spun around with a surprised look.

"Kathryn?"

Kathryn almost broke into tears, and all of a sudden everything came flooding back to her. The emotions and the hardships of the past six years. The realization that she didn't really fit in anywhere anymore. The discovery that the only person who could heal her wounded heart and soul was Kathryn herself. "It's been a long strange trip, and I'm just glad to be home."


	6. Chapter 6

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat  
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny I

6. Section 31

Chakotay sat in his office. It had been three hours and still no word from Kathryn or from Starfleet Command. He was starting to get worried about everything. Something wasn't right, and he needed to know what it was.

He heard a beeping and realized that someone was trying to send a message through to him. He tapped the console on his desk and a face appeared on the screen, but it was not Kathryn's as he had expected it was the Admiral. "Commander, we need to speak with you immediately. Can you transport to these co-ordinates?" Chakotay saw a set of co-ordinates and a location on his screen. Maybe I'll see Kathryn there and everything will finally be set straight. He disembarked from Voyager, giving Tuvok the bridge.

Harry watched the commander leave his office. He had that look of hope on his face, or in his eyes. After six years most of the senior staff had learned to read the eyes and the movements of their two most senior officers. Oh, both of them had their command faces intact, but there was just something different about them. The way they held themselves, the missing sparkle in her eyes, the glassed over look in his. They just knew. And most of the time these reactions, these looks had something to do with the other one. It was none of his business though. No matter how much they cared Harry and every other member of the senior staff and the crew knew it was out of bounds. That it was forbidden territory, one just couldn't ask either of them what was wrong. There was a weird sort of imaginary line they were not supposed to step over, but it was there: the line had been drawn.

Harry went back to monitoring ships systems…he didn't have anything else to do and it kept him occupied. He sent out a little prayer to whatever higher power was out there to let them be okay, and to give those two happiness…god knows they deserved it. Chakotay materialized on the transporter padd and discovered he was in a Starfleet building, but it didn't look familiar. He looked around for another person, but saw no one. He realized it was unusually dark. Then he saw another Starfleet officer, his eyes searched out the pips on the man's collar and instantly knew he was an admiral.

"What is this all about sir?"

The admiral sized up the man in front of him. Large man, sturdy, had previous experience with the Maquis, and had been in command positions before for Starfleet. Perfect candidate. "Commander Chakotay, you've been selected as part of Section 31."

Chakotay had no idea what this was, but he had a bad feeling. "Where's Captain Janeway?"

The Admiral almost smiled. I wonder if they did get together? Doesn't matter, Kathryn Janeway has been taken care of . "Captain Janeway has gone…away. Now," he handed Chakotay a padd, "this is your assignement. There is also all the material covert and otherwise about the war between us and the Dominion/Cardassian alliance."

Chakotay had that feeling in the pit of his stomach that you got when you knew you had to do something you didn't want to do. "With all due respect sir, I think I'm going to have to decline your offer."

The unnamed admiral let out a chuckle. "This isn't a request Commander. I highly suggest you fulfill your mission and not ask too many questions. For the good of your crew and…Kathryn."

Chakotay saw a smug smile spread across the Admiral's face, and he knew that this man told the truth; this wasn't a request. He didn't have a choice. He grabbed the padd from the man in front of him.

"I'm glad you see things our way Chakotay. You will be promoted to the rank of Captain. You will be given command of the U.S.S. Excelsior. You will not have further contact with me, unless I initiate it, and do know that everyone in your crew has been assigned as such for a reason. Oh by the way, you will not be going back to Voyager, any and all items you wish to keep will be transported aboard your new ship by someone in a position to do so. Good day, Commander."

The door opened behind him and he knew that this was his cue to leave. He left and knew that after today nothing would ever be the same again.


	7. Chapter 7

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny I

7. Kathryn's Hope I

Kathryn had been in Indiana with her mother for a good week now, and had yet to hear from anyone…Chakotay included. She knew she was no longer in Starfleet, but these people had been so much a part of her for so many years that now that they were no longer there she missed them. She heard someone coming into her room, and decided to ignore them. She didn't want to talk to anyone; she didn't want to see anyone. She heard her mother's voice, and heard the footsteps approach the doorway. Kathryn, in the week she had bene home, had yet to tell her mother that she had been booted from the fleet. She didn't want to see the disappointment, or the sorrow in her mother's eyes. This was all Kathryn had known for most of her life and now it was gone.

"Kathryn, let's go out somewhere. It's been a week…come on."

"No mom, I'm not ready yet, just another…"

Gretchen looked at her daughter. "No Kathryn, I won't let you do this to yourself again, and this time Phoebe isn't here to pull you out of it. We're going out. I got us tickets to a show. They're doing 'Les Miserables' and you're going to see it with me if I have to drag you out of the house in your pajamas."

Kathryn looked daggers at her mother. "How dare you order me around like this? I'm…"

"You're what Kathryn? You're not the Captain anymore and even if you were I'm not one of your officers." She saw the look of horror in her daughter's eyes. "Yes Kathryn, I know."

That was all that needed to be said. The dam broke and the tears spilled down her cheeks. Her mother held her in her arms like a little child. Kathryn would always be her daughter, always be her little girl no matter how old or how big, she got. This was her little one; her father's goldenbird. "Shh, it'll be alright Kathryn."

Kathryn cried for what felt to Gretchen like hours. She finally fell into a tired sleep. Her mother held held her and wouldn't let go for fear of waking the sleeping child in her arms. In her fitful slumber she mumbled about a man named Chakotay and losing him to her own selfishness and her desire to keep command…of her mistakes in the Delta Quadrant, and her unattainable goals and protocols. Gretchen listened in awed silence as the terror of her daughter's life seventy thousand light years from all that she had known and loved were revealed. Like a puzzle the pieces were finally starting to fit together. The enigma of Kathryn Janeway making itself known. She felt for the pain and anxiety, which Kathryn had endured in the name of command distance. She saw the humbling efforts she had made, and she understood the pain of losing the one you loved to circumstances beyond one's control. The only thing she didn't understand was…why?

Kathryn felt the warmth of the summer sun on her face and knew she was safe. She looked around; she knew this place. It was 'New Earth', The place she had been the most peaceful and the journey that had been the most painful. Her struggle to let go and the fact that at a point she no longer had a choice. She felt everything and she relished it, and she missed it. How could she ever go back to the ship and the way things were. But she had gone back, she had suffered many hardships upon their return to Voyager. They had never gone back…one day though, he had forced the relationship to go forward, or he had tried. It would not be until years later, and their eventual transwarp flight, that they would really move forward, but the stops he took as their journey progressed, moved them forward in baby steps so that the eventual leap they took was really nothing more than the completion of a trip they had started six years prior.

Slowly she looked up, looked up at the sun, and felt a chill run down her spine. She awoke from the dream, the same dream she had night in and night out. The way they met…the progression of their relationship. The final joining for two souls…the separation of their bond.

Kathryn reached up and wiped the tears from her eyes and realized that she was being held and cuddled like a small child, by her mother. Mom always knows what to do to take care of me. She untangled herself and walked to the kitchen and replicated herself a cup of coffee. Not too long after, her mother followed her to the kitchen. "Kathryn…you talk in your sleep dear. I heard everything, you told me your story. You told me about him, the man you loved, the man you lost…the man you kept at arms length. He sounds like a very special person. So there is only one thing I don't know." Gretchen looked up at her daughter and saw the tears threatening to spill over again.

Kathryn looked up through haunted blue orbs. "What mom? What don't you understand?"

"Why?"


	8. Chapter 8

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny I

8. Kathryn's Hope II

Why? Kathryn looked at her mother. "Why did I suffer? Why did I let myself get put through the torture? Why didn't I let him love me while I had the chance? What are you asking me mom?" Kathryn was yelling at this point. "Mom I couldn't. I couldn't because of the rules Starfleet put in front of me. I couldn't because of who I was. I couldn't because I was afraid of getting hurt. Well mom, looks like my worries and fears were well founded. And now all I want to do is get over it and go on with what little bit of a life I have left."

Her mother tried to comfort and console her. She reached for her, she tried to touch her, but Kathryn shrugged off the action. "No mom. I need to do this on my own. I need to get over this. I have to do this for me."

Her mother looked into the worried and horrified eyes, the defiant eyes of her daughter's father. "When you're ready to accept this life Kathryn…Talk to me."

With that last lasting impression Gretchen unceremoniously threw the tickets at her daughter's feet leaving Kathryn alone with the silence of her own mind.

Eventually, Kathryn saw the method in her mother's madness. After lying there, after dealing, after dreaming she went to see the show. It had been so long since she had done something just for the fun of it, but there was still a hole in her heart the size of the Delta Quadrant. Chakotay was gone, her life as a Starfleet Captain was over. They had made it back to the Alpha Quadrant only to have everything ripped away from her. She had lost everything, or as far as she was concerned she had. She had failed to see that she was still letting one person down, herself.

Her mother put with Kathryn's moping for a week. She had made her leave, and Kathryn did go out. She did get exposed to other things besides the inside of her mother's house, but she still wasn't the Kathryn Janeway her mother had always k known and loved. She had lost the stubbornness and the pride that was the Janeway trait. She had give up hope it seemed. Kathryn had lost her life to the Delta Quadrant, and to those people who had not just stripped her rank but her love and her life.

Kathryn felt a black hole had engulfed her. She lived but not really. She breathed but not really. She loved but not really. Sure she loved her mother with all her heart for she had been the one who had raised her and nurtured her and been there when Kathryn had had no one else. After her father's and Justin's death she had been the one to look after her…but this was not the love she needed or lacked. She remembered their outing, hers and her mother's. The play had hither harder than she had thought it would. She didn't like to admit it, or to feel sorry for herself, but the one song, sung by Epinine, had hit her particularly hard. It had hit too close to home; it had described her feelings of loneliness and sorrow more accurately than anything she had ever heard. She remembered the words and the actions of the lonely girl on the stage before her.

_On my own, pretending he's beside me.__  
__All alone I walk with him 'til morning.__  
__Without him I feel his arms around me.__  
__And when I lose my way I close my eyes and he has__  
__found me._

This was what she felt. No matter where she was, no matter what she did, she felt his presence. Why did you leave me Chakotay? Why did you give up on me when I needed you most? After the play she had gone for a walk. In the pouring rain, she had felt the emotions wash away, even if only for a moment in time. It was like that day all those years ago after she had lost her tennis match. Poor Kathryn. Kathryn who couldn't stand to lose, who couldn't stand to be wrong.

_In the rain, the pavement shines like silver. __  
__All the lights are misty in the river.__  
__In the darkness the trees are full of starlight.__  
__And all I see is him and me forever and forever._

She pictured herself as the martyr, the victim of unfortunate circumstances. She saw her life as a waste. It was no longer worth living. She had walked  
by the river, the words of the song fresh in her mind. She had traveled over the bridge and thought about ending it all. All it would take was a large leap, a  
leap of faith, but she had not been able to do it.

_And I know it's only in my mind__  
__That I'm talking to myself and not to him._

She had realized it was not him she was talking to. It was not his wish to hurt her this badly; she had to believe it. She had to think that after all the years  
of her denying him what he had wanted, he had not just turned his back on her. He had not just left. But he had, in her mind she could believe what she wanted but the reality hit her, and she k new it was over. Voyager was gone, a memory of times that were…

_And although I know that love is blind.__  
__Still I say there's a way for us._

_And I do know there's a way for us. There has to be.__  
__Even if it's only in my mind._

_I love him, but when the night is over,__  
__He is gone, the river's just a river.__  
__Without him the world around me changes.__  
__The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full__  
__of strangers._

_I love him but every day I'm learning__  
__All my life I've only been pretending__  
__Without me his world will go on turning__  
__The world is full of happiness that I have never__  
__known._

She remembered the last words of the song. There was truth in them, but at the same time there were untruths too. She had known happiness; it had come in the form of her love and alliance with Chakotay. She realized that tears were streaming down her face, and she thanked the gods who looked upon her that it was raining and her weakness would not be revealed.

She sang the last words out loud, making them sound to her more real…making her feel more alive.

"I love him,  
I love him." (1)

She thought about the last phrase. For her the most powerful and the most painful…and the most true. "I love him, but only on my own."

She had loved and had lost and would never love any other like she had him, never again.

/\/\

Chakotay adjusted slowly to his life with Section 31, as a spy. That's what he was, a spy. He looked upon the work the Cardassians had done. He watched the Dominion's every move. He had learned not long after hi boarding the Excelsior that Harry Kim had been the one on Voyager who had been assigned to work with him. That at least offered him some comfort. He knew Harry would never betray him, he knew Harry would always be his friend…no matter what.

Life had been hard for Harry; it had not treated him kindly. Since returning from the Delta Quadrant nearly a month ago, the young man had seen horrors beyond anything one as young as he should be exposed to. He seemed to age and mature before Chakotay's very eyes, and Harry's eyes lost the innocent sparkle they had once held. He knew the young man would never be the  
same again, and he hated life for doing this to all of them, and for making his love, Kathryn Janeway abandon him and give up their shared dream of a life together forever more.

According to his sources, Kathryn had been granted the rank of Admiral and was in charge of overseeing many things at Starfleet headquarters. Her work was at a higher classification than his was, so he never heard from her. He missed her, but he realized she had given up on that life, the life they had started. For he had loved and lost and would never love any other like he had her, never again.

Tom and B'Elanna had both been reintegrated into Starfleet. They had been wed, and were both stationed aboard the Voyager B with Tuvok as the Captain. B'Elanna often times wondered what had happened to Kathryn Janeway and Chakotay. She had found peace with Tom, and she hoped that they had too. Her former commanding officers belonged together, no matter what anyone said. It was weird though, the two of them had disappeared off the face of the earth since their arrival at Earth all of five weeks ago…so had Harry. Neither Tom no B'Elanna had yet to hear from any of them, and although they were happy to be home, a large part of them was missing.

/\/\

Tom suggested something to B'Elanna upon learning of their impending parenthood. He had wanted to name Kathryn and Chakotay godparents of their son. They had found out it was a boy she carried, and they already  
loved him. Despite her initial lack of luck with her animal guide, B'Elanna had eventually made amends with him and had visited him yesterday, asking to know of their friends' fates. She had not gotten an answer from the small animal, but simply a feeling of dread, and contempt. It was from this that she drew the conclusion that they were not happy, any of them. The problem was she had no idea how to help them or bring her former commanding officers the happiness they deserved after the uncertainty and the danger and sometimes the apparent hopelessness of their trip through the Delta Quadrant, and they deserved happiness…all of them.

/\/\

Kathryn finally felt the healing begin. She knew that her heart would never be completely healed. It was impossible to love as she had, suffer a loss like hers  
and completely mend the hole it left behind. So she continued her life, as an incomplete person, but at least she had re-entered the world of the living. She  
found a certain amount of peace in the work she performed. She had become a researcher a consultant and from time to time and had even worked for  
Starfleet as completely ludicrous as it was; it have her a chance to explore and to regain some of who she was.

It had been a year now since their arrival home and one-day she had been walking through the park in San Francisco where she spent many a day as a cadet. She had walked into a pavilion and heard a song playing. It sounded oddly familiar, but at the same time it sounded strange to her ears.

_Take a look at my body__  
__Look at my hands__  
__There's so much here that I don't understand__  
__Your face-saving promises__  
__Whispered like prayers__  
__I don't need them._

_'Cause I've been treated so wrong,__  
__I've been treated so long__  
__As if I'm becoming untouchable._

The song dredged up old memories. Memories of a life she had been forced to leave, but had never completely let go of. She was angry with herself and at the world for doing this to her. She had always done everything by the book, but it hadn't saved her. She looked at the display in the pavilion; it was a myriad of Afghans that were spread out. She found a beautiful blue one. It reminded her of Voyager and of space and of everything she had lost over the years. She looked closely at the design in the top right hand corner, it looked like Chakotay's tattoo. No it didn't look like his tattoo it was an exact replica.

As she investigated the crevices and the details of the work in front of her, she continued listening to the background music which had invaded her senses.

_Well, contempt loves the silence, it thrives in the dark__  
__With fine winding tendrils that strangle the heart__  
__They say that promises sweeten the blow__  
__But I don't need them, no, I don't need them._

No I don't need them. I don't need anyone. She looked at the upper left-hand corner of the afghan, the symbol was a Starfleet emblem, and it looked like her long ago communicator. The design had changed since her time as a Captain, but this one was like hers…she looked on…

_I've been treated so wrong,__  
__I've been treated so long__  
__As if I'm becoming uncouchable_

_I'm a slow-dying flower__  
__I'm a frost-killing now__  
__Sweet turning sour and untouchable._

The strong, the untouchable Kathryn Janeway. She saw the symbol, which was an Indian symbol for the wolf…his spirit guide. He had never said it out loud, but she had seen the wolf in her dreams. The beautiful gray wolf and she was always there, beside her little lizard. Slow dying flower. Yes Kathryn was slipping away slowly and it seemed that each day that went by took at little piece of her with it.

_Oh I need the darkness, the sweetness, the sadness, the weakness,__  
__Oh I need this__  
__Need a lullaby, a kiss goodnight, angle sweet love of my life,__  
__Oh I need this._

She heard the music, she saw the blanket, and she saw a picture in the middle. There was a picture that looked oddly enough like Voyager, and there was an  
angel…two pictures that complimented each other but were also a contradiction in so many ways. The old and the new, the concrete and the spiritual…Kathryn and Chakotay.

_I'm a slow-dying flower__  
__Frost-killing now,__  
__The sweet turning sour and untouchable_

_Do you remember the way that you touched me before__  
__All the trembling sweetness I loved and adored__  
__Your face-saving promises__  
__Whispered like prayers__  
__I don't need them_

_I need the darkness, the sweetness, the sadness, the weakness__  
__Oh I need this__  
__I need a lullabye, a kiss goodnight, angle, sweet love of my life,__  
__Oh I need this_

I need you Chakotay.

_Well, is it dark enough__  
__Can you see me__  
__Do you want me__  
__Can you reach me__  
__Oh I'm leaving_

_Then shut your mouth, and hold your breath__  
__You kiss me now, you catch your death__  
__Oh I mean this,__  
__Oh I mean this_ (2)

She had tears streaming down her face now…how did this person manage to so accurately depict her and Chakotay's relationship…and why? She felt a presence near her and looked up. "Samantha?"

The woman spun around at the sound of her former Captain's voice. "Captain?"

Samantha looked into Kathryn's eyes and saw the pain and anguish. What gave they done to you?

Kathryn felt like a ghost had come to haunt her. "Samantha. Why did you make that one?" Kathryn pointed to the afghan that had caught her eye.

"Captain…"

"It's Kathryn now."

Samantha looked uncomfortable but responded. "Kathryn…no one had heard from either of you in a long time. I wanted to make something that would remind us…all of us of who you were and what you had done for the crew. So I made this." Samantha pointed to the lovely blanket. "I'm sorry if I insulted you, or if I did something that makes you uncomfortable. You know,  
no one that wasn't a part of your crew would know…"

Kathryn looked at Samantha. "It's alright. I don't mind. And I'm actually touched that you would do this. But I was wo0ndering if I could buy it?"

Samantha looked at Kathryn. "Oh…you can have it. Consider it a gift from the crew who wants to thank you for everything." Samantha handed Kathryn the blanket.

"Thanks Samantha. It means a lot to me. I have to get going."

Samantha looked after the woman. "So where are you staying? I mean if you're in town and you'd like to come over for supper…I mean if you want to…I was wondering…are you okay?"

Kathryn let a smile touch her lips. "I'll be around Samantha."

With that, Kathryn walked out of her life for a second time. She hoped Kathryn spoke words of truth. For Kathryn's sake.


	9. Chapter 9

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat  
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press  
http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea  
of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny I

9. Learn to be Still

Chakotay sat back in his bed. It had been two years since they had returned to the Alpha Quadrant. Two years since he had left her, two years since he had hoped her voice would be forever silenced in the great expanse of his mind, but it wasn't. She followed his waking moments. She plagued his sleeping hours, dreams of days that might have been, could have been, should  
have been but weren't. They truly were in wartime. For years now Starfleet analysts had said that the Federation had just about depleted the Dominion's  
reserves, that the war was almost done, but it had just begun. Every time Starfleet got the upper hand, the Dominion matched them and then one-upped them. Yes, Starfleet was a wondrous place to be in times of peace, but in times of war, when the edge was just a little too close to home, it was the last place you wanted to be stuck.

Chakotay made sure that he and Harry had stayed stationed in the same are. On the same ship, in the same battalion, with this at least he held a little  
part of Voyager with him forever. He heard an old twentieth century song waft through the halls of their bunker. He knew this was Harry's way of dealing with the loss of one of his best friends…Tom Paris. When they had been separated those two years ago, Harry had been devastated. This was someone who had given his all, from the beginning. Someone who had looked past Tom's faults had seen the good in him. Someone who had become one of his closest and dearest friends. Then he had been taken away. Neither of them still had any idea where any of their friends were. They had been so secluded under the ruse of Section 31 for so long now, that they weren't really sure what was real and what wasn't.

Then Chakotay heard the haunting melody of a song that Harry played, and Chakotay recognized. It had been one of Tom's favorites and the lyrics hit a  
little too close to home for all of them in this little group. Yes it was a reality check in some ways, and Harry insisted on playing it every day before bed. A little reminder that there was a greater purpose, or that they weren't wasting their lives away. That there would be happiness and then a reality check again. In all likelihood, they wouldn't live until the end of this war, and all they could do was hope that somewhere, somehow, sometime, this was making a difference. That the deaths held reason and were not futile.

_It's just another day in paradise __  
__As you stumble to your bed__  
__You'd give anything to silence__  
__Those voices ringing in your head_

Chakotay listened; he heard the words, as he had many times before and realized their validity. How true they were in so many ways. It was frightening that a band from o long ago had managed to hit a chord in people of all days. Especially today.

_You thought you could find happiness __  
__Just over that green hill__  
__You though you would be satisfied__  
__But you never will –__  
__Learn to be still_

Learn to be still. The only satisfaction, the only happiness…the only way that any of them could really learn to be still would be in the end of the war and  
then of an era. Or the end of life as they knew it. The end of the suffering, the end of the incessant living of their worst nightmares. Some day, he would learn, and hopefully some day he would find happiness, but it would only be found in one place, in one person, and that person had gone on, had left him  
behind, had made a name for herself. Wherever you are Kathryn, I hope you find peace, and I hope you learn to be still.

_We are like sheep without a shepherd__  
__We don't know how to be alone__  
__So we wander 'round this desert__  
__And wind up following the wrong gods home__  
__But the flock cries out for another__  
__And they keep answering that bell__  
__And one more starry-eyed messiah__  
__Meets a violent farewell_  
_Learn to be still_  
_Learn to be still_

Chakotay hummed along with the music…the mellow music of a time long since past. He used to believe in a higher god, a bigger purpose, but why? Why would they let the suffering continue? Why would they separate him from his one true love? One more starry-eyed messiah meets a violent farewell… "Learn to be still."

_Now the flowers in your garden__  
__They don't smell so sweet__  
__Maybe you've forgotten__  
__The heaven lying at your feet__  
__There are so many contradictions__  
__In all these messages we send__  
__We keep asking__  
__How do I get out of here?__  
__Where do I fit in?__  
__Though the world is torn and shaken__  
__Even if you heart is breakin'__  
__It's waiting for you to awaken__  
__And someday you will –__  
__Learn to be still__  
__Learn to be still_

_You keep on runnin'__  
__Keep on runnin' (3)_

That's what Chakotay was always doing, running. Running from his past, running from his present, and running from his future. They were inevitable intertwined and someday, maybe if he was lucky, they would come to a head, and he would finally learn to be still.


	10. Chapter 10

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat  
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press  
http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea  
of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny I

10. Resolutions

Tom sat at the table. He was sitting with his son, Harold Chakotay Paris. He was named after two men who had influenced and had a great impact on both his and his wife's lives greatly over the years. B'Elanna was pregnant again, this time they were told it would be a girl.

A girl, a sweet girl for his wife. There was however, concern where the child was involved. With any interspecies pregnancy there was always cause of  
concern, but Paris had learned early on, when B'Elanna had fallen pregnant with little Harry that there was especially cause for concern in B'Elanna's family.

On B'Elanna's mother's side of the family there lay a deep hidden history of not only miscarriages, but deformities, and it happened only with the females.  
Just as in males there were certain defects that afflicted only males. In B'Elanna's Klingon family, only women were shaken by these defects.

In the past, in this culture of warriors, it was not as large of an issue if the female did not survive for it was the male who "carried the blade" so to speak. In today's day and age however, where the female was as important as the male, where B'Elanna and his little Kathryn were concerned, it mattered. This daughter of theirs was already named, a name agreed on by both of them: Kathryn Amanda Paris. She was named after their leader and savior, the great Kathryn Janeway.

He had hoped in naming her after Kathryn, one of the strongest people he had ever met, that his baby would be okay. That she would survive hopefully unscathed by her parents' and her genetic history.

If he was ever to meet either of his former commanding officers again, just once more, he would say everything he had always wanted to say. He would tell them the great impact they had had on their lives. He would thank them for their support and leadership and their love. He had taken it hard when they had disappeared. Right now B'Elanna was cleaning out the spare room, making way for the new baby, while Tom finished the specs on the new shuttlecraft they were designing at headquarters today. He had made a name  
for himself in Starship design. After Starfleet had seen the Delta Flyer and the ingenious schematics he had designed to make it work, they had no problems  
finding him a job and putting him to work in all of their battles against the Dominion.

He knew B'Elanna in going through the room, would find many mementos of their time aboard Voyager. Voyager had been a place of discovery and renewed hope. A hope they both carried with them now in their prayers for  
their unborn daughter. If this child was anything like her namesake she would survive and go on to be one of the great women of her time. For Kathryn Janeway had been his savior. A lost ship, a lost moment in time and a mission of self-discovery had created the Tom Paris he was today. He heard a soft music slowly making its way to his ears. It was his recording from Voyager; it was the recording he and Harry had shared. It brought back too many memories. The days aboard Voyager; the days when he had been happiest. Time with friends and family. "B'Elanna what are you doing?"

"Listening to the vid I found."

Tom put Harry down and ran into the room. "Turn it off. I don't want the reminder of everything I've lost." He saw the defiant look in B'Elanna's eyes.

"Tom…"

"Just turn it off B'Elanna."

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair Warm smell of colitis rising up through the air Up ahead in the distance. I saw a shimmering light My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim I had to stop for the night The words were so appropriate. His trip on the Voyager, a trip which had allowed him to redeem himself. A trip that had forever changed his life. A 'stop along the journey' of his life and his future was altered for all time.

_There she stood in the doorway__  
__I heard the mission bell__  
__And I was thinking to myself,__  
__This could be Heaven or this could be Hell.__  
__Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way.__  
__There were voices down the corridor__  
__I thought I heard them say..._

"B'Elanna… "He had tears in his eyes. It was so appropriate, but it wasn't if it was heaven or hell…it had been both. It had been a blessing and it had been  
a curse. She did show me the way. He needed to know where they were. He needed to know. TH shadows of the past haunting him forever more. "B'Elanna, we have to find them. I need to know."

B'Elanna gave him a smile that lit up the room. "I know."

_Welcome to the Hotel California__  
__Such a lovely place, such a lovely face__  
__Plenty of room at the Hotel California__  
__Any time of year, you can find it here_

_Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes bends__  
__She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys, that she calls friends__  
__How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat,__  
__Some dance to remember, some dance to forget_

She listened to some most of the song. She realized its appeal. It described everything he had gone through. It was his life laid out before him in a  
song. "I was hoping this would let you see…"

_So I called up the Captain,__  
__Please bring me my wine__  
__He said, 'We haven't had that spirit here since__  
__nineteen sixty niine'__  
__And still those voices are calling from far away,__  
__Wake you up in the middle fo the night__  
__Just to hear them say…._

_Welcome to the Hotel California__  
__Such a lovely place, such a lovely face__  
__Plenty of room at the Hotel California__  
__Any time of year, you can find it here_

_Mirrors on the ceiling.__  
__The pink champagne on ice,__  
__And she said 'We are all just prisoners here, of our own device'__  
__And in the master's chambers__  
__They gathered for the feast_

_They stab it with their steely knives,__  
__But they just can't kill the beast._

Tom looked at her and brought her into a huge hug. "We can't leave it alone anymore can we? We can't forget?"

She hugged him back and rubbed his back in an almost hypnotic motion. "We never could."

_Last thing I remember, I was__  
__Running for the door__  
__I had to find the passage back__  
__To the place I was before__  
__'Relax' said the night man.__  
__'We are programmed to receive__  
__You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.' (4)_

They both had tears in their eyes as the last of the song floated through the room, and quieted forever, until they were whole again. Until they found who they were seeking. Until the end of their quest for a past stolen by an unfair future.

They looked for months. Starfleet was no help. The location and fate of the crewmembers taken could not be disclosed. Their location, their status nothing. B'Elanna was getting close to her due date. Now eight months pregnant, they gave up on their search until after the child's birth. Two-year-old Harry was getting big, a reminder that time passes and stops for no one. They just hoped someday they would find their lost friends and be able to share the present and future as well as the past.

/\/\

Kathryn was walking through the park. She had taken to doing this one her off time. She always saw many couples…she saw children. She saw people's dreams fulfilled and the emptiness of her own life. Ever since they had returned Kathryn had felt like a shell. She had felt as if there was no longer anything to live for. No longer a purpose to her life. She knew that uintil the day she was reunited with Chakotay, she would be forever empty inside. A hole in her soul that could only be filled by one.

On this day she glanced around. She sat in the sun. It felt warm on her skin, and it felt happy. It felt as if for a moment all the troubles she had, all the  
hardships she had endured had been washed away. She opened her eyes and realized that they never would be. She saw a happy couple. They were playing with a little boy, and the woman was pregnant. The couple looked oddly familiar. She looked closer, trying to figure out where she had seen them before. Unfortunately she was just getting a back view. The woman turned around to expose the familiar forehead ridges of her former chief engineer. My god. It's Tom and B'Elanna.

She was drawn to them and started walking towards them, not by choice. She had to do this, she had to see them, and she had to find out what had happened to her former crew. "Tom?"

Tom heard a voice, and felt a presence coming towards him. He knew that voice. He had known it for so many years. It sounded like the throaty voice of his former Captain. He whirled around to see the frail form of Kathryn Janeway approaching him. "Captain?" She looked much thinner and her hair had more gray, but it was Kathryn Janeway. He noted the fact that she had grown her hair out, it was as it had been when he had first met her all those years ago. She had apparently taken to wearing it down. He had missed her.

He ran to her and wrapped her in a hug as only friends did after an eternity disappeared, taken not by chance but necessity. "Tom!"

"Captain, is it really you?"

Kathryn felt tears stinging her eyes. Captain, hardly. "Yeah, it's me…but it's not Captain anymore."

Tom couldn't help grinning. "What is it now? Admiral? What are you doing here?"

The Captain felt the tears slipping down her cheeks. "No Tom. Who told you I was an admiral?"

Tom let go of their former Captain and took a step back. He looked at her. He saw the tears. He saw the haunted look in her eyes; he saw a shadow of the woman who had brought them home. "What do you mean who told us? Tuvok got the VoyagerB and…well we assumed you had gone on to bigger and better things. We hadn't heard from you, and Starfleet wouldn't say anything. We thought you were in charge of some secret mission."

"No, I'm afraid now. You can call me Kathryn you know? I think you've earned the right."

Tom steadied himself. "Sounds good…Kathryn. So what happened?"

Kathryn didn't want to get into this now. She needed to keep this to herself; she was ashamed of what had happened to her. She was ashamed of Starfleet and the actions they had taken.

Tom saw the hesitation on her face and decided to change the subject. He heard Harry crying in the background and went to get him. "Well, Kathryn, meet our son. This is Harold Chakotay Paris."

Kathryn saw the adorable little boy. He had B'Elanna's coloring and very faint forehead ridges, almost unnoticeable unless you were aware of the child's parentage. She picked him up and he immediately stopped crying.

"You're a natural Kathryn. Do you have any children?"

Kathryn pried her eyes away from the little boy. "No, I never met the right man." Actually you met him Kathryn, you just never got your timing right. She looked down at the boy again. He looked up at her with eyes so blue. "He has your eyes Tom."

"Yeah…he does." He was wondering what had happened to Chakotay. Why they had never 'made it happen.' "What about Chakotay?"

Kathryn felt the anger come to the forefront of her mind. "He made his choice Tom. He left me years ago, he broke his promise to me. He promised he would always be at my side, he said we would make it work." She had tears streaming down her face now. Harry started to cry. "He left me. On the day we came back. I haven't seen or heard from him since. I left the conference with Starfleet command. I walked outside expecting to see him waiting for me…he wasn't. I went back to Voyager and he had disappeared. I was committed to making this work. I wanted to have it all, on earth, all the things we couldn't have in the Delta Quadrant, but obviously he didn't."

Kathryn sat down on the ground. She rocked the crying child in her arms and quieted him down. "I'm sorry, it's just been a long hard couple of years for me Tom."

B'Elanna approached her now. She placed an arm on her shoulder. "It's okay Kathryn. We haven't heard from him either. I guess we all assumed that when we found you, we would find him too. That the two of you had finally given in to the love and friendship we had all seen during our time on Voyager."

"I wish we had B'Elanna. I wish everything had turned out that way, but it didn't. I guess I was never meant to live happily ever after." She looked down and saw Harry was asleep in her lap. She handed him back to B'Elanna. "Well, it was nice seeing you again. I better get going. I have a lot to do before I leave."

B'Elanna got a funny look on her face. "Leave, where are you going?"

Kathryn thought about telling them, but decided against it. "Away." She turned to leave and felt B'Elanna's hand grip her arm.

"What do you mean away? We finally find you, and you're leaving again, and you're not going to tell us where you're going?"

Kathryn turned around and faced the couple. "I'll always be with you, I always was, but I have to go." With that she walked out of their lives. She would not see either of them for a long time, but the visit had made an impact and some day they would all look back and remember 'the good times.'


	11. Chapter 11

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat  
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press  
http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea  
of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny I

11. The Long and Winding Road

Kathryn was running again. She felt horrible leaving them like that: no answers, no explanations. She had finally met some of her crew. She had found what had been two of her most valued crewmembers and she had  
left them, but where she was going…no one could follow. What she was doing…no one could know. This was her quest, and her trip…her discovery.

Chakotay had been stationed now for 30 months. He counted the days until he could seek out his soulmate. Until he could find her again, until they could  
finally at least try to make it work. He had spent many a day crying in his quarters. The man who had been the Maquis rebel, the man who had fought the Cardassians, the man who had helped Kathryn Janeway bring Voyager home and finally…the member of Section 31, brought to his knees by the love of a woman.

Harry watched mesmerized as Chakotay let out the trials, the troubles and the pain of a lifetime. During their time together on this station they had shared many memories, talked of lost ones, of loved ones and of days gone by. Harry had come home, hoping to finally live a normal life, finally fall in love, have children, make lieutenant. Instead he had been thrown into the middle of a war zone, without thought, without reason and not by any choice of his own. His life had never been so hard and he had never felt so alone.

/\/\

Tom drove the shuttle as fast as was humanly possible. They had been vacationing on Mars. B'Elanna wasn't due for another three weeks; the doctor had assured her she had no chance of delivering in the next week. How wrong he had been. "It's okay B'Elanna, we're almost there."

Tom had more than just the fear of delivering his child, his premature daughter by himself. There was also the possibility that their fears of genetic flaws would come true. They had both been assured numerous times, by numerous physicians that everything looked fine. But even in today's day and age when hunger and disease had all but disappeared, they still didn't know 'everything' and nothing was 'for sure'.

B'Elanna gritted her teeth against the pain. Then she felt a strange sensation. "Oh god Tom, I need…"

Tom spun around to see B'Elanna panting on the bed in the back of the shuttle. "What B'Elanna?" Deep down he knew. She was going to have this baby here, without any help. He just thanked god he had had medic training way back when. "It's okay B'Elanna, don't worry, everything will be alright." He rushed to the back to check her progress. Damn she's fully dilated.

"Tom, it's too early. She not due for another three weeks."

He looked up into her frightened eyes. "I know honey, but you're ready. Kathryn's coming whether we like it or not. Now with the next contraction I need you to bear down. I need you to push. I need you to help me bring Kathryn into the world."

As Tom focused on the task at hand he gave one more prayer, begged one more time for everything to go well, and for this baby girl to be okay.

B'Elanna hurt all over. This was the hardest work she had ever done. She bore down with all her might. She continued over the next hour with Tom's constant encouragement and hope. "I can see her, B'Elanna. The head's crowning. We can have her with the next contraction." He watched as his wife struggled through the labor and before he knew it, he was a father for  
the second time. He cut the cord and watched as Kathryn opened her eyes. She had a soft blond-red down on her head. He knew it wasn't possible, but if he didn't know any better he'd swear this was Kathryn's daughter, except for the faint Klingon ridges that adorned her forehead. Kathryn opened her eyes and looked back at him, blue meeting blue.

What beautiful eyes, just like Kathryn Janeway. He looked down at her checking for flaws, any flaws that might be hidden from view. He saw nothing visible. He put the baby on the cot beside her mother and pulled out his tricorders. Everything seemed to be okay.

He picked the child back up, and brought her to B'Elanna.

"Tom? Is everything okay? She isn't crying."

He smiled at his wife. "It's okay honey. It looks like she's gonna do justice to her namesake." He handed his child, little Kathryn Paris to his wife.

B'Elanna picked up little Kathryn Paris ever so gently. She looked down at the child in her arms as baby Kate opened her eyes. B'Elanna moved her hand in front of the baby's eyes moving to touch the soft baby down on her head, but something wasn't right. She moved her hand in front of the child's face again, with unmoving blue orbs staring back at her.

"Tom, something isn't right with her." B'Elanna was getting hysterical. All her fears from the past months coming to the forefront of her mind and her memories. "Tom, quick, come here."

The urgency in his wife's voice brought him back to her in a hurry. "B'Elanna, what's wrong? I check her out, she's fine…"

B'Elanna handed the infant back to her father. "No Tom, look." She waved a hand in front of the baby's eyes once more.

Tom looked hard at the child. He took another instrument out and measured the reflexes in the baby's eyes. He looked into his wife's hopeful brown eyes.  
"My god B'Elanna, Kathryn…she's blind."

/\/\

Harry had had his fill. He had watched too much death and destruction for one so young. He had asked to be taken out of Section 31, he had asked for time off. He had been told that the assignments they were taking were top secret. No one left. No one got out of assignments. They didn't care if you mother had died. He told them that he had to see his friends that they would be worried sick about him. They had told him it was impossible, they needed him, he was a large asset to them. He was a communications and tactical  
specialist, which was good. He was an amazing holoprogrammer, which was better. No they had told him they couldn't let him go.

So Harry planned and practiced, the only one he shared his plan with was Chakotay. He had at one time looked to Chakotay as a father figure, now he looked to him as a valued friend and more of a brother. He had shared his escape plans. Chakotay had given him his blessing and had said his goodbyes, in case he did make it. In case he did earn his freedom. He sent with Harry a message to Kathryn Janeway.

Chakotay, when he had heard of Harry's plan had spent hours creating an intimate letter to his love, his one and only. It said I love you, it said I need you, it said nothing will ever keep us apart and one day he would make it back to her. He would love her and cherish her the way he had always dreamed it would be. He said many things, and he hoped and prayed that one  
day she would receive is letter and finally know the depth of his emotions for her.

So Harry left. He went on his escape, he tried to fulfill his dreams of freedom. He had made four escape attempts, each time he had failed. He had decided to give up and come back. He tried to live in peace and for six months adapted…or so it seemed. Chakotay knew better. He had taught Harry about vision quests and how to contact his animal guide. His guide was a small  
brown mouse, and Chakotay had watched it solemnly for the years they had been in this horrible place. It had begun looking sickly and he knew what Harry was going to do. He knew in the end it was the only was he would  
reach peace and resolution. So six months after his escape attempts had ended, Chakotay felt the pain of the small animal as it entered the next stage. The next morning he found Harry hanged in his cell. The pressures of the past  
three years too much. Harry had succumbed, and he hoped, wherever he was he was finally free…

_So we wanted 'round this desert __  
__And wind up following the wrong gods hom__  
__But the flock cries out for another__  
__And they keep answering that bell__  
__And one more starry-eyed messiah__  
__Meets a violent farewell –__  
__Learn to be still (3)_

Chakotay had seen it coming and his songs had been a premonition…learn to be still.

/\/\

Kathryn had spent the last year following her star. Wishing she could find him, knowing that some day she would. She had brought with her one book, one novel that would serve as her guiding light. As her instruction manual to life and to self-discovery. She had lost herself over the years, lost sight of who she was, and who she wanted to be. She knew as odd as it sounded that she was in much the same predicament the Doctor had been in when she had stolen his memories. She had taken something from him that had not been  
hers to take, and now, all these years later she finally understood. For she had something stolen from her that no one, but no one had a right to take. Someone had stolen her livelihood. Someone had forever silenced her faith. She had with her 'La Vita Nuova.' The new life, that's what she searched.

_In that book which is my memory__  
__On the first page of the chapter that is the day when__  
__I first met you__  
__Appear the words, 'Here begins a new life.' _(5)

Only in her case it wasn't anew life she required but the one which had been taken, and with that life would come love and the final realization that what she had always needed for completion had always been right in front of her. And it was true, you never knew what you had, until it was taken away and the voices of reason and rhyme were forever silenced.

_I've been treated so wrong,__  
__I've been treated so long__  
__As if I'm becoming untouchable_

Untouchable and lost forever more.


	12. Chapter 12

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat  
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press  
http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea  
of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny I

12. The End of the Journey

Kathryn had been out among the stars, looking for Chakotay for nearly a year now. She had dodged Jem H'dar ships, she had ignored Starfleet hails; Kathryn Janeway had gone beyond reason in her search. She had gone beyond the boundaries set out by Starfleet, by the Romulans, by every faction who had inhabited the Alpha Quadrant all in search for Chakotay, but she had  
yet to find him. She had lost all her allies, she had used up her connections at Starfleet. She was beyond the point where she could return. She felt as if she  
were living and entry in the Hanson's journals, but she knew she needed to find him, she knew she had to resolve what was going on between them, what had been going on between them since the day they met. She had to bring this journey to and end once and for all.

/\/\

Chakotay had gone on a final vision quest today. It had been nearly six months since Harry's suicide. He had seen in his quest an image that had eluded him for far too many years. For today the lizard peeked out from its hiding spot beneath the rock and made its presence known. He realized something very important. She had always been with him, through everything. She had been his strength, and she was the rock he leaned on, she was the life force which aided him. She was his savior.

/\/\

Tom and B'Elanna look at their six month old daughter. It seemed she had grown up too fast. She was getting bigger it seemed by the minute, and she looked more like Kathryn Janeway every day. They looked into the blue depths of her eyes and saw a wisdom beyond her years. She looked troubled and, when they looked really deeply into the sightless eyes of Kathryn Paris, they saw an old soul who had been reborn, and almost had to wonder if Kathryn Janeway had met her fate and been killed and this was her resurrection. But then Tom thought logically and knew they were imposing her personality upon their daughter in their intense need to see their former Captain again.

I hope wherever you are Kathryn, you've found what you were looking for.

/\/\

Chakotay was finally free. He had finally found some sort of peace in the knowledge that she was with him, and this gave him the strength to carry on. This gave him the willpower to face each day. This gave him the sense of love he had needed for so long.

Kathryn wherever you are, I hope you've found happiness.

His hopes and prayers went on for a good four months after the day he made his first vision quest, his voyager of discovery, and then it ended. Starfleet it  
seemed had finally found an agent that counteracted tetra cell white, and had managed to introduce in into the Jem H'dar population. The war was over, and peace once again reigned over the Federation colonies, but not before a horrific conflict, comparable to Wolf three-five-nine, but now it was over. Chakotay heard over sub-space that his home world, Dorvan V had finally been freed of Cardassian rule, and he was finally able to go home.

Six days from the first transmission announcing the end of the Dominion/Cardassian alliance, and the end of the war, Chakotay was discharged from Section 31, but he knew for him it was never over. On his  
communiqué relinquishing him, he had a second message.

It read:

_"You are free for now, but you belong to us. Pray we never have to face a war like this again, for a man whose soul is owned by another can never truly be free."_

The message mysteriously disappeared after that day, and he just hoped beyond hopes that he could someday forget the past, forget the horror, and finally live the storybook like he had always dreamed he would one day have.

/\/\

After fourteen months of searching, bribing, begging and god knows what else, Kathryn Janeway had finally tracked down the location of Chakotay, now Captain Chakotay. She had searched for him for so long. She had prayed to find him for so many years that now that she had finally found him she was unsure of what to do. She knew he was part of a covert faction within the federation known as Section 31.

She suspected it was much like the league Justin had at one time been a part of. The best of the best, brought out to save the federation, and to fight the  
evils of the world. She had gotten a communiqué while en route that there had been more than one casualty of the war before it had ended. Much like the battle of Wolf three-five-nine, this was had ended in a bloody upheaval.

She had heard the rumors and the details of the clash. The Jem H'dar were ruthless in their attacks for they were unafraid of death and of destruction and  
would fight until the end. Her fear had been that Chakotay would be killed in the Second bloodiest and most horrific clash of human history. That after all  
of her searching and fighting and yearning to find him, he would be lost to circumstances beyond either of their control.

All throughout the long haul she had seen the she-wolf in her dreams, in her quests, in her waking hours and she knew that he was alive, that he was as  
safe as one could be during times of war. Then one day, the dreams ended and for three days she did not see any sign of the wolf. She thought for sure he was dead, and she saw the lizard cry out in pain. The symbolic gesture was almost too much for her, but the scientist in Kathryn needed to know.

As it turned out…it was not Chakotay that had been lost to battle, it was Harry. She grieved for her protégé, but sent out a thanks that she would once  
again be able to reunite with her lost love.

And so her quest continued…

/\/\

Tom started noticing the subtle difference in his daughter's behavior. She had not made a sound in nearly a month. She never cried out, and lately he could not get her to eat. She had been taken to doctor after doctor and they had found nothing physically wrong with her, aside from the blindness diagnosed in her at birth. He told B'Elanna of his concerns, and she agreed something had to be done.

And so they worried…

/\/\

Chakotay slowly made his way back to Earth. He had been back to Dorvan V, but it was no longer home, it was but a memory; a memory of days past and of times wasted and long gone. No, home was now earth, with Kathryn.

And so he searched…

So the cycle of life continued, and so they went on.


	13. Chapter 13

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat  
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press  
http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea  
of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny I

13. A Journey Fulfilled

Tom and B'Elanna looked at their daughter. Harry had never been so much trouble. They had spent more time worrying about Kathryn in her brief existence than they had, and still did worry about Harry. For some reason, Kathryn appeared so fragile. At first, they had thought that it was just her personality, her nature. She was now eight months old, but she still did not crawl and she refused to make the baby sounds that children at that age made. Kathryn Paris was an enigma, a mystery to all.

"I don't know Tom. She seems to know things. She seems intelligent…but for some reason…I don't know. I've never known…but we didn't have trouble like this with Harry." B'Elanna was getting hysterical. The thought of losing a child, doing wrong by her daughter, was haunting her every waking moment.

Tom took B'Elanna into his arms. "I don't know B'Elanna, but everything happens for a reason, and we have to believe that whatever is happening to Kathryn is happening for a reason too." He pulled his wife away from him for a moment. "We'll take her back to the doctor tomorrow."

B'Elanna looked up tears in her eyes. "I hope everything is Tom. We've lost too many people, and if we lost Kathryn…" The tears started anew.

"I know B'Elanna. I know." Tom wiped the tears from his wife's eyes and prayed everything would be okay. For he was not sure B'Elanna could deal with the loss of her baby girl…her Kathryn.

/\/\

Kathryn searched and searched. Somewhere along the way she had gained a new purpose and a new sense of strength. The war was now over, and she knew where he was. All she had to do now was get to him. So she traveled, so she went on, someday…

/\/\

Six weeks later, Tom and B'Elanna had still seen no change in Kathryn. They were sitting by the fireplace. Tom was lost in thought while B'Elanna wept silent tears. This was becoming a ritual. Every time B'Elanna looked at Kathryn, she sensed intelligence, but she sensed something more too, there was something they were missing, something important.

Tom was growing cold and distant, but inside he suffered. He had always dreamed of having a daughter. Since he had met and eventually married B'Elanna he had dreamt of a precious little girl with his wife's stunning looks and faint, but distinctive and endearing forehead ridges. He had been hiding it. Hiding his worry and concern for his wife and daughter.

His daughter: barely ten months old, and his wife, seemingly grieving for his daughter, suffering for the loss of a child still living is his world. He had always felt a woman had an intuition when it came to her children and he feared, B'Elanna's fears for little Kathryn, their blond savior would come true.

Tom looked to his wife, he was angry, he was upset…he needed to get out for a while. "B'Elanna, I'm going for a walk will you be okay for a bit by yourself?"

She stared at him, fear in her eyes. "Yeah Tom, hurry back soon." She looked to him. "I love you." Tom nodded and kissed his wife's forehead and left before she could see the tears welling up in his eyes. He quickly escaped their house and ran all the way to Starfleet headquarters. He spent the next two hours beating a punching bag. Taking his frustrations out, beating until his hands bled and he had no one left to punish and nothing left to think. Until he had nothing but thoughts of sleep and of his daughter Kathryn Paris.

He leaned against the wall, his head falling in his hands, flesh shredded to a pulp. Kathryn…I'm sorry. Tom felt hopeless. This was something he could neither control nor fix. It just was.

He finally succumbed to the exhaustion and proceeded home. He walked into his house, the lights off and the sounds of the day quieted. He walked through his living room and then his eye caught a silhouette in the shadows. "B'Elanna?"

She shifted. He walked up to her and touched her shoulder. She started and looked directly at him. "Tom?" She jumped up and wrapped him in her arms. She felt something warm on his back. She pulled away from him for a moment and stared at his hands. "Tom, what did you do to yourself? To your hands?" she saw the tears welling in his eyes. "Tom…we need to talk about this."

He breathed in, taking in her scent, absorbing her strength. "I can't lose her B'Elanna."

She pulled him to her again. "I know Tom, we can't and we won't." She pulled out the dermal regenerator. "Let's fix you up and our life will be just fine. It has to be. For you, for me and for little Kathryn."

B'Elanna fixed Tom up and led him to bed. They made love that night for the first time in a very long time. Since the troubles with their ten month old daughter had begun. The hope that the end of the journey would not be for a long time to come.

Not two weeks after that dreadful and self-destructive night, Tom's fears were unresolved but for the moment put at bay. It was late evening and  
B'Elanna was feeding the kids. They heard a knock at the door. Tom got up to answer the summons. When the door opened, they saw someone they had never expected to see again. It was like an omen coming in from the night. Kathryn Janeway stood in the doorway, a grin on her face. "Tom, B'Elanna…it's been a long time."

Tom stared at her a stunned look on his face. "Kathryn." He was at a loss for words, and he was shocked to say the least. "Where have you been? Did you find him? Where is he?"

Kathryn cut him off. "I found out where he was. I went to the outpost where he had been stationed." All of a sudden her face hardened. She looked into his baby blue eyes and innocent features. "Did you hear about Harry?" At his questioning look her face softened and showed a glimpse of the woman they rarely saw. "He died about a year ago."

Tom felt tears sting his eyes. He needed to know. "How?" Tom looked in his former Captain's eyes and saw the answers. He didn't need for her to say it…he thought he didn't anyway, but he couldn't live with the knowledge unless he was sure. "He killed himself." More a statement than a question.

Kathryn felt the pent up emotions of the last three years surfacing; anger, sorrow, happiness…all at once. She made a barely perceptible nod of her head. "Yes."

Tom didn't need to now anymore, but Kathryn needed to say it. She needed to tell someone all that she had found. "They said the strain was just too much for him Tom. You know…Harry lived the pain of ten lifetimes in the years he was on this earth. Maybe he finally found peace; we have to believe he did." She enveloped Tom in a hug and comforted him like a child who was lost in the world. She let him cry until she was sure he had no tears left to shed, then she took a step back. "You have to tell B'Elanna, I wouldn't feel right doing it."

He thought about it. "I have to watch the children, Kathryn. We can't leave then alone."

She smiled a genuine smile. Tom hadn't seen in far too long. "I'll watch them for you, but first I have to know. Have you seen or heard from Chakotay? I was told he was heading for Earth."

"No, I haven't, but I'm willing to bet that if he had headed for Earth, he was coming for you."

She nodded, she had known all along, but had needed someone else to confirm that they had seen the love the two of them shared. "If you'll excuse me for a moment. I have to contact my mother. Just in case. You go tell B'Elanna. You two need to talk while I made the call, then I'll take over with the children for a couple of hours. Okay?"

Tom just nodded and somewhat numbly walked away.

Kathryn went into the next room and used the Paris' console to contact her mother. Her mother answered looking a little worse for wear, and Kathryn realized she hadn't told her mother anything, and she was probably worried sick about Kathryn.

"Kathryn? Is it really you?"

Kathryn saw the tears streaming down her mother's face. "Yes, mom, it's me. I'll be home soon, but I need you to do something for me?"

Gretchen looked wearily at Kathryn. "What?"

Kathryn drew up all her strength and courage. "If a man comes by the house…Chakotay, my former first officer. I need you to let him in and, I need you to tell him I'm here." Kathryn transmitted the coordinates of Tom and B'Elanna's house.

Gretchen looked up at Kathryn. "I don't know what he looks like? Why can't you just come home?"

"Mom, I need to do this. If you want to see what he looks like, there's a picture of us, on the inside cover of my journal…the one I keep under my pillow. It's always been there." She looked up at her mother, a pleading look in her eyes. "Please mom. I really need to do this."

Gretchen would never really deny her daughter anything. "Alright my little goldenbird, but be careful, and come home soon."

"If everything works out, I'll be home before you know it."

She shut down the monitor and walked out into the living area. B'Elanna approached with her namesake and passed Kathryn to her.

"Here, Kathryn. Tom said it should take too long."

"It's alright B'Elanna, I enjoy children. I guess it was just never in the cards for me."

B'Elanna gave her a sad smile and left the room.

/\/\

Gretchen Janeway went into her daughter's room and looked for her journal. She found it right where Kathryn had said it would be. It shouldn't really have  
surprised her. Kathryn was a complete control and neat freak. She pulled the picture out, and stared at her daughter and this man…and all of a sudden everything made sense.

The picture was of Kathryn and Chakotay sitting on the grass. It was sunny and Kathryn was wearing an emerald green dress. Gretchen noticed Kathryn wasn't wearing any shoes, and the look on Kathryn's face spoke volumes. All of sudden everything made sense because Kathryn was in love…and love has no boundaries.

/\/\

Kathryn held the little girl in her hands. She was so quiet. She never remembered Phoebe being this passive, and from her parents' description, she hadn't been like this either. She looked into the blue depths and noticed something funny. Kathryn brought her hand up in from of the child's face. She waved her hands back and forth; her eyes did not follow. She knew the  
reason for the child's problem. Kathryn wasn't slow, or sick…little Kathryn Paris was blind to the world.

/\/\

Chakotay had been to Dorvan V; he had had to visit home before he went in search of Kathryn. He had been informed that his mother had passed on. She had not died a bloody death, as had many in the war; she had died peacefully of natural causes at the age of 76. It was not old for this day and age, but she had died peacefully and that was a god sent.

He had reacquainted himself with his family, and then had gone in search of his life force, his livelihood…his Kathryn.

So he departed to fulfill his destiny.

/\/\

Gretchen let out a little prayer that someone was watching out for her daughter's happiness…after all the years of pain and sorrow…she deserved it.

/\/\

Kathryn waited for Tom and B'Elanna to return. This was probably one of the hardest thing either one of them had ever had to deal with. She remembered her initial reaction to Harry's death, and the way he had died. She remembered the life she had lived, and the deaths she had suffered through. She remembered her reactions, she remembered her pain, she remembered…

Tom finally finished his discussion with B'Elanna. She had taken it hard. She had cried for what felt like hours, in had only been about 35 minutes. They  
had sat for hours, just sitting and thinking. Absorbing everything. Then finally, when they felt like their defenses had been rebuilt enough, they went to check on Kathryn, and how she was doing with the baby.

They walked out to their living room and saw Kathryn holding the child as if she were her own. There was something wrong though, she was subdued…something just wasn't right.

Kathryn raised her blue eyes up to look at Tom and B'Elanna. She knew they saw sorrow in her eyes.

"Tom, B'Elanna…I need to speak to you both."

They approached, Tom watched as Kathryn waved a hand above the baby's eyes. Kathryn watched horrified as the child's eyes stayed motionless refusing to follow the movement of her hand.

"My god, B'Elanna…she's blind."


	14. Chapter 14

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat  
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press  
http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea  
of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny I

14. The Beginning of the End

B'Elanna looked at her feet, before meeting Kathryn's sorrowful eyes. "Yeah Captain, we know." The slip in ranks versus name showed Kathryn just how disturbed B'Elanna was over this. "We found out the day she was born. It could have been much worse I suppose…with my family history."

Kathryn heard the words and saw the fears and the acceptance. This little creature perfect in every way would never see a sunset. Never know the beauty she held. Never know her parents proud faces. Windows forever shut to the world.

B'Elanna didn't know what to say. She didn't know how to react. Then she realized that Kathryn was still there holding the baby. She reached out for the child. Kathryn was almost reluctant to let her go. This must be hard for her too. She would have been a good mother.

Kathryn passed baby Kate to her mother. "She'll be fine, B'Elanna. Trust me, things work out in the end, and everything, and I mean everything, happens for a reason. This is meant to be and in the master plan, there is a purpose for the pain. You have to believe that. I have to believe that.

Then she heard a beeping. Subconsciously she reached for her combadge; the one she no longer possessed. She looked over at Tom. He pointed to the view screen on the desk near the window. She slowly made her way over, time moved in slow motion as she realized that this could possibly change her life forever.

She clicked on the monitor and saw the face of her mother there. "Kathryn…someone is waiting for you, when should I tell him you'll be there?"

Kathryn knew this was one of those moments in her life where every second counted and any movement…any motion could and would change one's life forever. She heard the words escape her mouth before she had the chance to change their outcome. "Put him on mom."

She saw a shadow cast over the view screen and watched as his face filled the viewing surface before her. She saw the eyes, the hair, yep the smile that  
she had missed for so long. She reached up to the screen and touched the outlines of his tattoo. "Chakotay."

Chakotay heard the words; they were a statement more than a question. He 'felt' her trace the outlines of his tattoo; he saw the glimmer of hope and fear in her eyes. He felt the magic work it way from his head to his toes. "It's been far too long Kathryn."

She felt herself nod, and knew change was near. She knew that from this moment on, her life would never be the same again. She saw the unspoken question in his eyes and knew he wanted to know when she would return  
and claim her place by his side. "I should be home within the hour. Wait for me?"

"Always."

"Janeway out." Old habits die hard.

Kathryn returned to the matter at hand. The child, Tom and B'Elanna, the fact that she had missed out, that she would never have a child like the little baby Kate to have and to hold, to love, no matter what. She felt a tear slip past her closely guarded interior and slide down her face. The single lonely tear, which betrayed years of pain, agony and heartache. She felt another one slip by, and another and another, and then the dam broke. She heard a sob escape and realized she was letting out all the missed opportunities, all the  
lonely nights, all the career gains and personal losses. For Kathryn had finally reached her breaking point. Like a piece of malleable metal, a certain amount of stress will force it to bend and to warp, but even the strongest metals had their breaking points.

When the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all. The old earth song, sung to children at night. The appropriate analogy for a child who would never be born, and a mother that would never be. For a woman who would never be free.

B'Elanna walked in and saw the great Kathryn Janeway had fallen. And this time Chakotay's not here to catch her. B'Elanna's belief in the greater purpose had been thrown to the wind. To see a woman such as Kathryn  
Janeway in such pain, was unacceptable and unbearable. She sat down and cried for Kathryn, cried for herself and cried for the child, forever blind to the world. B'Elanna took Kathryn into her embrace and they shared the pain as only friends could. They talked as only one woman could to another, and they cried as was only possible for the love and loss they had suffered, and they knew that life would go on in all its forms no matter what happened. And they knew that no matter what happened they would go on. For it was no longer a  
choice, and perhaps it never had been.

/\/\

Chakotay sat with his hand pressed to the screen. Kathryn's face in his hands. He could almost feel it, in fact he could feel it. He could feel the life force, which had returned after many years of sorrow and pain. He realized that never again would he be incomplete because the circle had completed itself.  
The circle of life, in all its forms and in all its venues had bene restored. Thank you Kathryn, thank you for being the beginning and the end of the story. The up and the down of the earth, and the happiness and the sorrow of my soul. Thank you.

And so he waited.

/\/\

Kathryn felt a squeeze on her hand. She realized someone had discovered her state discontentment, and her dismantled being. Kathryn realized she was no  
longer the bigger-than-life Captain they had all looked up to, but simply a woman. So the woman was grateful, but the Captain lived in sorrow. The rank  
never increasing, the scientific curiosity never fulfilled…the dream never completed. For on that day she realized it was not Kathryn Janeway who had  
fallen, but Captain Janeway…and a weight lifted from Kathryn's shoulders.

And the baby smiled…for the first time, and for the last.

B'Elanna looked at the crestfallen woman beside her. "Kathryn?"

Kathryn looked up from her spot with a smile touching her lips. "Only those who love can ever be free." She waited for a response from B'Elanna, but all she got was a nod. "I have to go B'Elanna. If you ever need anything, you know where I'll be."

And so Kathryn Janeway stood and exited their lives once again. She represented the coming and the going, the ups and downs, which created the bumps in the road of life. It was what made living interesting, but it could also break a person, defeat the strongest, encourage the weakest…and so the end began.

/\/\

Kathryn walked into her home. She had been here just hours ago, but now it was different. The dynamics of the house had changed, the atmosphere was no longer her but theirs. Then she remembered the phrase from a poet of long ago. Chained by her certitudes, she is a slave, she has forfeited her freedom. Only a person who risks is free. These are your chains Kathryn and this is your freedom.

Then she remembered Chakotay's words of a time since forgotten. "I can't sacrifice today for a tomorrow that may never happen."

Kathryn had all these thoughts swirling through her mind. "On my own…pretending he's beside me. All alone, I walk with him 'til morning."

No more, I can't do it anymore. "To love is to risk being loved in return." Yes but that risk is worth it. I need it.

/\/\

Kathryn called out for him. "Chakotay?" All of a sudden unsure of herself and her place in this house and in this world she took more unsteady, unsure steps and felt someone approaching her. This wasn't him, this was another. "Mom? What are you doing here? Where's Chakotay?"

"This is still my house." She looked at Kathryn and saw all the pain…all the anguish, all the love long lost and hidden, but never forgotten. She broke out in a smile at her daughter's flushed skin. "He's in the kitchen raiding my fridge."

"Mother." Kathryn was exasperated. She didn't realize the one she had missed all these years was approaching from behind. A dark stranger in the night.

He walked up and saw the silky strands of hair he'd know anywhere. It's her. It's really her. Finally, my life, my dreams come true. I love you Kathryn. "Boo!"

Kathryn nearly jumped three feet in the air. She whirled around with a speed and energy she didn't think she possessed any longer. It seemed she did. She  
flung herself into his arms. "Is it really you? After all this time, have you finally come for me Chakotay?"

Chakotay looked at her. She had a far off look in her eyes. It was almost as if she didn't really believe it was true. As if she believed she was imagining the  
whole thing. "It's me…I love you, Kathryn."

She looked up in his eyes. She searched for the truth only he could give her. She searched for the answer in his liquid pools of obsidian. "I…"


	15. Chapter 15

By:AW

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat  
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press   
http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea  
of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny I

15. Destiny Fulfilled

She looked up in his eyes. She searched for the truth only he could give her. She searched for the answer in his liquid pools of obsidian. "I…"

I what? She looked at him. "I need you?" She realized it was almost more of a question than a statement.

Chakotay look at her and saw the hesitation. She needs me? Well I guess that's a start. He leaned forward and kissed her on the lips a soft kiss. It was  
kiss full of promise and full of hope. It was the completion of her soul. It was the end of the trek she had searched for, for so long. It was her fate. The kiss deepened. Chakotay's hands roamed Kathryn's body, renewing his memory, and restating his claim. She heard her mind cry out, cry out because it had been too long since a man had touched her like this. Crying out because of her love, and crying out because he was going too fast. This was not how she wanted their first meeting, their first time back together to be: hurried and restless.

She pulled away breathless. It was too fast, yet it was one of the most intense kisses she had ever experienced. "Slow down Chakotay. We can't do it like  
this. It's been four years; we can't just pick up where we left off. For me, just take is slow."

He looked and saw her need for a courtship, her need to be desired and to have the dating scene fulfilled. "Alright then Kathryn. Meet me for dinner tonight. Wear that emerald green dress that I always loved. The one you refused to wear when you were gardening because you didn't want to get it messed up. The one you wore on our last night on New Earth, the end of  
our beginning and the beginning of our end. Everything comes full-circle. Consider this your date with destiny, my love."

She saw the wonderment in his eyes, and knew he was doing his best to fulfill her wishes. "I can't say yes if you don't tell me what time."

Chakotay grinned, his dimples showing and melting her from her head to her toes. "Oh, I don't know…what do you say about 1900 hours. There's this great little restaurant, it serves the nicest traditional Indian cuisine…you'll hate it because it's vegetarian, but if you're going to be mine, I suppose you'll have to get used to it."

Kathryn had a funny feeling about this. There was something in the pit of her stomach that didn't feel quite right. But this was what she wanted wasn't it?  
This is what she had waited for, for so many years. This was her salvation…wasn't it? "I'll check my schedule. A Captain's work is never done." Old habits die hard Kathryn, you can't hid behind that excuse anymore. She saw the look in his eyes. They had still not discussed what had happened after their return. Chakotay heard what she was saying but something wasn't quite right. "I thought you were promoted to admiral upon our return?"

Kathryn thought she might cry. So that's what he thinks I am. Will he want me when I'm not? Does he even know who I am anymore? Do I even know who I am anymore? She felt her stomach creeping up again. "No Chakotay, what ever gave you that idea?"

"That's what I was told. I was told you had been promoted by Starfleet command, and that you had gone on with your life."

Kathryn was mortified. He doesn't know me anymore, maybe he never did. "I was thrown out of Starfleet Chakotay. They needed a scapegoat, and it was me."

Chakotay felt an unease rise up in him. Who is this person? She must be joking. "No Kathryn, stop kidding with me, it isn't funny anymore."

He doesn't believe me.

_Hello  
Can you hear me?  
Am I getting through to you?_

Kathryn heard the words of the ancient earth melody in her head. She felt it was appropriate, she knew it was appropriate…but they had to try, it had been too many years of hope to let go without a fight. "Are you listening to me Chakotay?"

He looked like he was a million miles away. He didn't answer her, simply stared at her, trying to reach out and touch the woman he used to know, trying to find her hiding in this strangers eyes. Who are you?

/\/\

The child in B'Elanna's arms started fussing. She looked up and was quiet, until…

/\/\

Kathryn felt the tears flowing. "I'd better get ready for tonight, are we still on?"

He didn't answer, merely nodded numbly in her direction. Then he spoke. "1900 hours…I love you Kathryn."

She spared him a look, and walked away.

/\/\

The child cried out seeing more than her little mind could process. She saw the pain and the anguish of two souls knowing who they were or what they wanted. People being in love with the notion of a soul mate; being in love with being in love, but not knowing the true price they paid for this hope. They need this but they can't have it. It is not meant to be.

_Hello?  
Is it late there?  
Is that laughter on the line?  
Are you sure you're there alone?_

Kathryn walked out of her mother's house and made her way back to the apartment that had become her home over the past years. The soft mist of rain fell in her hair and she felt a presence that wasn't her own.

_Cause I'm  
Trying to explain  
Something's wrong,  
You just don't sound the same  
Why don't you?  
Why don't you?  
Go outside,  
Go outside_

Yes you are, yes I am, trying to explain that we aren't who we think we are. That life isn't as it should be,it was never supposed to be this way. Or maybe it was, and we're just paranoid…it has been too long.

She walked through the May showers of Indiana, running through the rain. She removed her shoes and ran trying to recapture the youth she had lost in the pursuit of a dream. It felt as if her whole life had been a dream. She made it, she had made Captain, she had commanded a ship that was beyond the dream…but what had she sacrificed for this dream? Who had paid for her goals?

Me. And I still am.

_Kiss the rain  
Whenever you need me.  
Kiss the rain  
Whenever I'm gone too long  
If your lips,  
Feel lonely and thirsty,  
Kiss the rain and wait for the dawn  
Keep in mind  
We're under the same sky  
And the night  
As empty for me as for you  
If you feel  
You can't wait 'til morning  
Kiss the rain  
Kiss the rain  
Kiss the rain_

_Kiss the rain_

/\/\

The child would not sleep; the child would not eat. She was running a fever. B'Elanna could feel her burning up. She reached over to touch her forehead and watched as he eyes followed her movements, but it was not possible. Windows wide open, but shutters forever closed. Please be all right Kathryn.

/\/\

Kathryn recaptured her youth in ways. She had gained an appreciation of being planet side, she remembered New Earth. His speech; her reaction. She had been in love, but was it simply the last man on earth scenario?

_Hello  
Do you miss me?  
I hear you say you do  
But not the way I'm missing you_

I miss him, but not the way he misses me. He is in love with me. Am I in love with him? Do I even know what that is anymore?

Kathryn entered her home and showered. She put on the outfit he had requested. She revealed the tattoo she wore on her shoulder that matched his. They had done this on New Earth, a bond, a reminder of the planet; it would bind them together forever. Why? Kathryn had acted, but not thought about what she was doing. She had done things under the assumption of many things. She had never told anyone of the scare that marked her skin and her soul. Who are we?

/\/\

B'Elanna had rushed baby Kathryn to the hospital; she had had a temperature of 104. It was too high; it would not go down. Why? But the child did not seem to suffer, she had quieted down, and now…now what? Harry was at home with Tom, she had hoped that at Starfleet med. they would have been able to do something for her, but for some reason it wouldn't go down; in fact  
it was rising. She was now at 106. They had told her if it kept rising that the child would probably not make it. It had been okay, until the child had begun  
to convulse. The beginning of the end for Kathryn.

/\/\

_What's new?  
How's the weather  
Is it stormy where you are?  
Cause I'm so close but it feels like you're so far._

Kathryn arrived at the small bistro. Chakotay was waiting for her with an outfit from New Earth. Kathryn had tried to recapture the moment, she had restrung her hair exactly as it had been on that day so many years ago. I'm your Chakotay, but how can I take my place with you, if you don't know me and I don't know you…not really, not the way we used to.

_Oh would it mean anything  
If you knew what I'm left imagining?  
In my mind, in my mind  
Would you go, would you go?  
Kiss the rain_

_Kiss the rain._ (7)

/\/\

The child had finally quieted. The doctors had measured her brain waves, checking for brain activity. They told her the oddest thing. They told her that  
Kathryn was partially telepathic. If she lived, she would no doubt develop unusual abilities that were unusually rare among humans. They explained though that they weren't sure she would make it. The fever had finally gone down but it had left Kathryn weak from the ordeal.

Please be okay, Kathryn.

/\/\

Chakotay and Kathryn enjoyed a nice meal. The tension they felt slowly dissipated throughout the evening. They walked back to his place, she got ready to say goodnight and leave forever. "Kathryn." He slowly bend down and pressed his lips to hers. There was electricity, the sparks flew and all the sexual tension of the past years was released. They didn't even make it inside before he started slowly removing the layers of clothing that she had donned for their evening.

I need this, it's been too long. Kiss the rain.

Chakotay felt her tense then he felt all the tension leave her willing body. I need you Kathryn.

_As you fall over me  
Think of me, think of me  
Think of me, only me_

They made love that night unlike anything either had ever experienced. They needed this. They had needed to know. Kathryn had needed to feel him, to feel the contact of flesh on flesh in order to know.

/\/\

Tom had come to the hospital with Harry to meet B'Elanna and to say goodbye to Kathryn. This was it, the end of something beautiful that had become part of their lives. Someone who had depended on them and who  
had loved them. Someone who had given herself for the greater good, he had to believe that's what it was if he would be able to deal with this. We'll meet again Kathryn.

Tom had tried to go his grieving beforehand. He had tried to put up a strong front for B'Elanna. He had found himself unable to keep all his sorrow in check once he arrived at the hospital and had seen his baby girl for the last time.

B'Elanna gave the child one last kiss on the cheek. The end of a life and a journey that had just barely begun.

As the child drew in her last breaths, B'Elanna turned away and feel into Tom's arms, mountains of pain falling and turning into an avalanche of sorrow.

Kathryn, you know where you belong. B'Elanna thought these words knowing she would never be guilt free for letting her daughter go, but  
acknowledging the need for release and closure. Giving her daughter permission to leave her worldly realm and the pain of her life behind.

Kathryn, we love you, now and forever more.

/\/\

Kathryn felt the presence again and heard the words. Kathryn, you know where you belong. Yes she finally did. She knew why she had done this; she knew why she needed to do this. She had needed to close this chapter in her life; she had needed to write the ending to the Voyager Chapter of her life. Now it had run its course and she had reached completion. Now it was over…and so were they.

She had need to this and so had he, and now…all she knew was that this poem made sense. It was so appropriate, and so she left it for him by his bedside table. She rose and dressed. It was over…

_To laugh is to risk appearing the fool  
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental  
To reach out for another is to risk involvement  
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self._

_To place your ideas, your dreams before the crowd is  
to risk their loss  
To love is to risk not being loved in return  
To live is to risk dying  
To hope is to risk despair  
To try is to risk failure._

_But risks must be taken because the  
greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing  
The person who risks nothing, does nothing,  
has nothing and is nothing  
He may avoid suffering and sorrow but he  
simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love…live  
Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave, he has  
forfeited freedom  
Only a person who risks is free_ (8)

…and she finally was free.

/\/\

She returned to B'Elanna and Tom's house to thank them for everything, but met instead a note saying they had gone to Starfleet med. My god…what happened? The note was weathered and worn so Kathryn assumed it had survived the storm of two nights ago. She left in a run.

She approached the med. building and waltzed up to the desk requesting where the Paris family emergency was situated. They told her only immediate family was allowed. Kathryn burst past the guards in the main hall, she ran down the hall. She opened the door to see the final breaths of Kathryn Paris. No.

_Kiss the rain  
Whenever you need me.  
Kiss the rain  
Whenever I'm gone too long  
If your lips,  
Feel lonely and tempted,  
Kiss the rain and wait for the dawn  
Keep in mind  
We're under the same sky  
And the nights  
As empty for me as for you  
If you feel  
You can't wait 'til morning  
Kiss the rain  
Kiss the rain  
Kiss the rain_ (7)

Kiss the rain.

B'Elanna went to exit the room and ran right into the frail body of Kathryn Janeway. She looked up into her eyes to see the same horror and sorrow reflected back at her. Kathryn. The tears feel, and they held onto each other for dear life. "Why did it have to happen, Kathryn? Why?"

Kathryn had no answer for the grieving woman in front of her. But she did remember the saying that had once plagued her days on Voyager. For one thing to live, another must die. Kathryn had no words that were adequate, they just held each other, falling under their combined weight. They stayed like that for a long time, comfortable in the silence of their minds and the end of an era, each drawing strength from the other.

/\/\

Kathryn had been at the hospital for three hours comforting B'Elanna. In many ways B'Elanna had been Kathryn's kindred spirit.

Kathryn approached Chakotay's door. She rang the bell, he was so old fashioned sometimes, but she couldn't stay here, she needed to get away. She needed to end this, she needed to be 'Kathryn' before she could be anyone's other half, and he was not the other half of her being. Not anymore.

Chakotay opened the door. He was surprised to see Kathryn. After her departure and the note, he had figured he would never see her again. "This is it, isn't it Kathryn?"

She had tears in her eyes. She nodded. "Yes. We're not the same people we were then, Chakotay. Circumstances have changed, life has changed, and I've  
changed. Do you understand?"

He nodded, she knew he heard but he wasn't listening, this is not what he wanted to hear, and it would take him time, it had taken her four years.

_Hello, can you hear me?  
Can you hear me?  
Can you hear me?_ (7)

She looked at the man, the man who had made her world more bearable for many years. The man she had loved with all her heart and soul. The man she loved more than life itself, but once they had finally gotten their timing right, once they had finally greed they could do this, there had been too much at stake for it to work, and so it hadn't happened. They had held it at nay for so long, restrained themselves for so many years, that when they finally tried to let go, when they had finally been without the restraints of the ship, of their command relationship, she had realized that there was nothing beyond the tried and true friendship, the deep relationship beyond the tried and true friendship, the deep relationship beyond what lovers could ever have, the physical had done nothing but demean their bond and make it look worthless.

And so, after years of waiting, years of anticipation and years of hope and fears it had come down to this, it just hadn't been right, and so life went on minus one thing…each other.

"I have to go Chakotay. I do love you, but not this way, I can never be who you need me to be…not anymore."

When you love someone, you have to set them free….

THE END

TBC in Date With Destiny II - Chapter 1: A New Beginning

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